Q&A How Do I Proceed without Acknowledgement That It Was an Affair?

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Question: 

How do I proceed if my husband doesn't acknowledge that what happened was an affair? The affair lasted 3 months and was with a college girlfriend. We have been married 21 years and in the course of discovery through present (he has ended the relationship and decided to work on our marriage) he has made statements such as: "we were never really married" (we got married at the justice of the peace) "God doesn't see what we have as a marriage; it's just a piece of paper at this point" and "I was done with the marriage and had moved on so what I did wasn't wrong." I have seen emails that they wrote to each other (my laptop opened up to his account which is when I discovered the full truth of the affair) and in one email he writes her: "Am I cheating? Yes" and in other emails she refers to herself multiple times as "the mistress" in describing how hard her role in the situation is. He gets upset if I use when word "affair" and then tells me that I am the one who has had affairs because I have put other things ahead of him. He has also said I'm just trying to label him again. It is frustrating because I'm not trying to shame him or guilt him, I just want to know that he's being honest and faithful and work to get past this all.

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