Q&A How Do We Handle the Challenges of Sexual Intimacy after D-Day?

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Question: 

We're 10 months from D-Day, 6 months from the final disclosure. Married 34+ years. My husband is doing everything possible to heal himself and our marriage so I feel very safe at this point. My problem is that I am still very much in pain from his infidelities and filled with anger and resentment off and on. We are in Married for Life, week 20, so we are doing the work that it takes to heal our marriage. On our truth-in-love call last night, he expressed a hurt that I am withholding sexual physical affection from him like hugs or even just touches of encouragement. Physical touch is his primary love language and it's not mine. He said it hurts him that I am not fulfilling this basic human need. I got angry and blasted out that my basic human need was for him to have been faithful to his marriage vows and that was shot to hell. How can I even begin to think of fulfilling any of his needs when I am still in so much pain and doing everything I can just to keep my head above water with my own healing? Also, we have not had sexual intercourse since D-Day. I cannot even think about that. I know he desires some sort of connection and he's used to relying on physical touch or sex to feel like we are connecting. I don't feel like I am willfully withholding as a punishment. I'm just not ready.

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