While the unfaithful is still in a state of ambivalence (for 4 months now...) - he seems to be trying to get to the root of our marriage issues. During these conversations I see him transferring responsibility to me, the betrayed. He wants me to take responsibility for all that I did wrong in our marriage. I am working hard in my own recovery and can acknowledge areas where I had been selfish. However, In this stage he is showing no empathy for me and not taking responsibility himself. He keeps bringing up topics of concern - such as accusing me of misusing our finances - (which the reality is quite the opposite- I purchase for our home and kids - and he has gotten himself into substantial troubles that are costing us thousands upon thousands) 

I don't know whether to engage in an actual debate on the subject or wait to discuss these hot topics when he has proven he can begin to take responsibility for his own actions.