Q&A At What Point Does a Serious Case of Narcissism in the Unfaithful Need to Be Considered Unsafe for the Betrayed Spouse to Even Consider Reconciliation?

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Question: 

My ex-spouse and I were separated when he attended Hope for Healing at the brink of divorce. The same day he signed up he went out that night with the affair partner; he lied about it but was confirmed by a social media post by the affair partner. I believe the course was to buy 17 weeks of narcissistic supply. He said he was never told in the Hope for Healing about no contact with the affair partner therefore he never cut ties with her, even now 7 months post-divorce. I’ve been no contact for 4 weeks because of hoovering and love bombing tactics all the while he’s still maintaining supply from the affair partner. I ask my initial question because due to the idealization and devaluing I’ve experienced along with grandiose gaslighting episodes over 11 years has placed me in a very tangled trauma bond. I am currently in therapy for EMDR (D-Day will be 2 years in October). I bring this to attention because this is horrible to go through. I have researched narcissism extensively. I just think without this self-learning I may have taken the bait when he signed up for Hope for Healing or multiple plays following divorce. If I had, how much more emotional abuse would I have suffered from what very possibly is someone with undiagnosed narcissistic sociopath disorder. Very scary because I still ruminate over what if he changes...maybe we could reconcile...but how would I know? And why did in the heck would I want to! Can you make sense of this?

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