How Can My Unfaithful Wife Take Initiative In Recovery?

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Question: 

Rick, As a betrayed spouse I am not sure of my role in the healing of my unfaithful partner. We have been married for 14 years and we are almost 5 months post discovery. I’m feeling like my spouse is trying to "get it" at times and other times I feel like she is not willing to take initiative to do things on her own to help me get through this. I don't want to feel like I have to give her step-by-step instructions on how to comfort someone. She has agreed to couples counseling and the EMS weekend and also has signed up for the Hope for Healing course. I know she has made some significant sacrifices to try and save our relationship, but sometimes she makes me feel like I am carrying this alone and doesn't take initiative to think about how her actions (or lack of) send a clear message to me about how committed she is to recovery. I love her very much and am certainly willing to look at my own personal issues that have contributed to an unhappy marriage, but I feel like she expects me to support her even in my time of struggle. I don't feel like I can deal with my assortment of emotions and still be there for her. She needs to find some outside support to lean on right now and she tells me she is waiting for the right people and the right moment. I appreciate your advice so much.

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