Q&A The Affair Partner Moved Nearby, How Do I Escape My Bondage?

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Question: 

The AP chose to move to our town. This has caused extreme anxiety and worry for me- always scanning the parking lots, stores, restaurants, etc. for her. They had acted out once in this town during their affair so I was originally preparing to submit the question of " how does one get rid of the relationship between what they DID in this town (hotel rendezvous) and having to live, work, enjoy and function here freely, in essence restoring it back to "our town"?" However, NOW with the AP moving here, it has blown up everything and caused increased intrusive thoughts and concerns- I basically feel paranoid and don't even want to leave my house sometimes. Initially, upon discovery, I desperately wanted to move because of their acting out in this town, but that is not feasible for now. So now, with her HERE, I feel I cannot even relax or have any peace for worrying he, my children, or I, might see her/ bump into her. My husband is understanding but obviously has no control over these circumstances and his best tactic is just " we just need to move forward and concentrate on us"... Oh if it were that simple! I would really like to just move on, and not have these thoughts and feelings overwhelm me. Things seem so much clearer and black and white from his perspective!? Any help you could give on handling this situation would be so appreciated! I desperately want to live in freedom not bondage! PS- I have heard of some couples going to extreme lengths to take back "stolen ground", so to speak, from the affair- can you please include any practical suggestions for this process?

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Thank you

I'm sorry you are going through this. A similar thing has happened to me. Thank you for posting this question. Their answer made me realize I need to have a different attitude about all this. I never thought of it as that I have won, and that she is on the outside looking in. For so long I have been focused on what she has taken from me, but maybe I should start looking at it differently.

Thank you

I'm sorry you are going through this. A similar thing has happened to me. Thank you for posting this question. Their answer made me realize I need to have a different attitude about all this. I never thought of it as that I have won, and that she is on the outside looking in. For so long I have been focused on what she has taken from me, but maybe I should start looking at it differently.