Q&A How Can I Convey the Importance of Remorse and Grief from My Mate?

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Question: 

My wife and I are 14 months past D-Day, and 6 months past her final disclosure. She's taken H4H, I've done HH, and we recently finished EMSO. During this period I have always felt that she doesn't grieve for what she's done. That her tears are not for me. She's cried a lot, of course, but it's always the result of an argument, and I'm fairly convinced that those tears are for herself. Feeling hurt by me, and sorry for herself. She tells me repeatedly that she is remorseful, sorry, and tremendously grieved by her actions, but I have such a hard time seeing it. I've tried to explain my feelings to her many times, but it only seems to frustrate her, and she gets to the, "It's never enough for you" place as a result. How can I get through? How can I help her understand how important it is for me to actually see her remorse and grief, if it truly is there?

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