I'm dealing with ED after betrayal. My wife had an affair with a man who turned out to be HIV positive and a child predator. I found a hidden video, and that discovery wrecked me. Since then, she’s shown very little empathy unless the consequences impacted her directly. She cried over what he did, but not what she did to me. We’ve gone through Harboring Hope, EMS Online, and Hope for Healing, but she’s resisted most of it, even admitting she didn’t engage because she thought I was “poking.” I’ve done extensive healing work, 90-day inpatient trauma treatment, CBT, DBT, exposure therapy, ketamine, and more. I also have a TBI and complex PTSD, including MST. Now she says she’s showing up differently but won’t pursue me while I’m “still in pain,” as if my pain isn’t directly related to her ongoing resistance. I’ve told her what I need. I’m trying, but I feel like I’m being asked to heal first before she leans in. What can you say to the unfaithful in this situation? How can she support the ED that came from her betrayal, instead of waiting for it to fix itself?