Q&A How Can We Overcome Arousal Issues Resulting From Disclosure?

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About 5 months ago, my husband disclosed a sexual affair to me that he had ended 2 years prior. I also subsequently discovered that he had been using pornography and masturbating multiple times a week secretively. Following the devastation of the disclosure, I found myself more sexually aroused and desiring of my husband. We were having intercourse nearly daily, we were more adventurous in bed and things sexually were trending in a very satisfying and positive direction. After a couple months, and after starting recovery work such as reading and therapy, my husband started losing his erection during sex. Things start off great, he seems completely engaged and mid intercourse he will just suddenly go soft. It’s obviously embarrassing and stressful for him but now it’s making me feel self conscious and undesirable to him. He used to seem practically permanently aroused whenever we were together before the disclosure. Sometimes the sex is great with no erection issues, but more and more frequently it goes the other way and we are both left confused, uncomfortable and frustrated. Is there any hope to work through this and for him to be fully present, engaged and erect during our encounters? Any suggestions for what to do in the interim when this happens?



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