Q&A How Do I Apply Boundaries and Reconcile?

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Question: 

My husband and I have been married for 11 years. My husband has been unfaithful a number of times. It’s been 2 1/2 months since disclosure 1 and today was disclosure 6. Every single disclosure has been forced out of him by me finding evidence of his affairs. A month ago in couples counselling the counsellor said I needed to put some boundaries in place. So I told my husband that the marriage would end if I found out more than he’s already told me. Now I’ve found out that the year long affair he had 8 years ago was greater in scale and emotional commitment than what he told me. He was adamant that it didn’t last as long or was as emotionally involved as what I have now found out. My dilemma now is that I know I should follow through on my boundaries. I told him the marriage would end if I found out he’s lied but I can’t bring myself to follow through. He’s been my rock through many hard times and I’ve never felt so loved in all my life. To end the marriage is utterly terrifying but if I don’t follow through on what I said will happen, then I’m terrified it will happen again. How do I apply my boundaries while keeping some door open to reconciliation but being able to feel safe?

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