I continued the conversation with my husband about the 'why' behind is affair, while we were both calm, and again he said, "if our intimate life had been better and he did not feel 'disconnected' this never would have happened". He will then say that 'it was the incorrect choice', 'that he is not justifying his actions', but that is still the reason and 'why are we talking about this again?' He has stopped and he has remorse, but he is not willing to do whatever it takes on his own - that seems to be asking too much. He will not take any steps on his own to read anything or look for answers, question his actions, or anything aside from the basic of what is asked from the post EMS Weekend course. Whenever we disagree, and if I ask or say something more, he falls into this hopeless response pattern of - "whatever I do is never going to be good enough" and "oh it doesn't matter". I respond with 'it does matter, everything matters, and its not true that whatever you do is not good enough'. I feel like I have hit a wall.