Q&A How Do I Discern If or When It's Safe to Trust Him Again?

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I feel stuck. Although my husband believes himself to be a good person and wants to be, his survival strategy since childhood has been to figure out what the person across from him wants to hear or see and present that, even when it isn't real--and he's very convincing. The thought of trusting him again makes me panic. I have no way to know if the professed changes in his attitudes and perspectives are for real or not, and even if they are, his capacity to translate that into behavioral changes is oddly limited, due to a TBI he suffered long ago. We have been in therapy (couples and individual) for 2.5 years with change coming very slowly, and are about to complete EMS Online. We are both working hard, but each passing week of the program makes me feel more triggered and hopeless, as I don't feel like we've been able to build the foundation you assume we have by now. My biggest question remains how to discern if or when it's safe to trust him again.



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Thank you Wayne.

Thank you Wayne.
You talked about taking further steps towards recovery by doing HH /H4H programs and see if he is developing empathy, humility and compassion.
However how to find out if he is faking it just because that's what the wife would like to see/hear; doing and saying things for the sake of it. And if he is very convincing at it, its a tough job to know what is real and what is not.

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