Q&A How Do I Let Go of My Doubts and Hyper-Vigilance?

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Question: 

We are over 2 1/2 years from d-day. Over a year ago my husband took a polygraph at my request after having lied, gaslighted, and trickle truthed me about how far his infidelities went. He was asked 3 test questions and one control question, and passed with flying colors according to the examiner. I felt much better about having full disclosure, despite the fact that he gave me hell for daring to ask him to take one, telling me they couldn’t be trusted, and gave me hell all the way home after passing, saying, “I told you I was going to be mad if I passed!” A few months later I found a meme he’d saved on a social media account that said, “How to beat a lie detector test: repeatedly, with a bat.” Though obviously a joke, it was saved right around the time I began asking him if he would take a polygraph. This finding destroyed any comfort I had taken in the test, and combined with his behavior and statements surrounding it, as well as me catching him in smaller lies, have me feeling like I will never be able to have any security that he’s been truthful. We are in EMS Online and beginning to really enjoy each other again, but these nagging doubts about his honesty prevent me from being able to believe anything he says. I choose to, but my doubts still lead to a lot of hyper-vigilance and anxiety. How do I ever let that go completely?

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