Q&A How Do I Respond to the Continual Relapse?

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Question: 

My husband and I have been married for 21 years and have 4 kids. I discovered his affair in Feb. 2016. His affair became sexual in Feb. 2015 after months of an emotional affair. My husband said he was interested in his AP for years prior to the affair. Since discovery, my husband has said he wants to end the affair and reconcile with me multiple times. Each time he has returned to the affair 7 - 10 days after "ending" it. The first time he said he wanted to reconcile, we began counseling. After a month of counseling and telling me he was having no contact with the AP, I caught him with the AP and discovered she was a co-worker of his. Not only was he having contact with the AP, but he was also working with her 6 - 8 hours a day, and going to bars and hotels with her after work. After this discovery, I asked my husband to move out. He now lives alone. My husband wants the AP (but doesn’t want to leave me for her) and the kids and me - the classic cake and eat it too. I told him if he were involved with the AP I wouldn’t have a friendship or relationship with him. He is very upset and doesn't want to lose our friendship, but still won’t end the affair. It's been almost 6 months since discovery. I'm exhausted by the false reconciliations and feeling done. What is the next step? He no longer works with the AP.

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