Q&A How Much do I Need to Know?

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Hi Rick,

I found out 5 days ago that my husband has been cheating with multiple partners for two years. The details are still coming and are killing me. We've been married 18 years yesterday, and have 3 children. We had a great relationship, so I thought. We had stresses, but nothing we couldn't handle, I thought. It started with porn use, then a 2-year drinking problem that should have killed him it was so much alcohol. He stopped that cold and hasn't had a drink in three years. During his drinking phase and still watching porn (I was unaware of this) he started accusing me of having multiple affairs with just about any man we knew. None of his accusations were true, but he couldn't see reason. Between stresses, drinking, porn, and his own imagined beliefs about me, he was led to need an "escape". He started seeking out ads on craigslist, Ashley Madison, and probably more that I'm unaware of. He has admitted to 5 partners, I assume there’s more. I have seen various correspondences between him and a few of the women. The details are killing me. If I ask a question he does answer it and says I know everything. He was such a loving and caring husband and man. This is a shock beyond belief and SO out of character. It's just unfathomable that he would do this. He says he was so sick and confused and just needing this excitement and escape. He wants to do everything to save the marriage, and I do too. But as I have stated the details are killing me. This desire to know everything... Should I stop trying to know everything? Should I just simply focus on the main goal of the future and try to block the images that come to mind?



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