After the revelation of an affair or other sexually inappropriate behavior, it is, unfortunately, very easy for both the unfaithful spouse and the betrayed spouse to make a series of well-meaning mistakes which further complicates the situation and the healing process. This can be especially difficult when you are navigating recovery in the midst of added stress and instability caused by COVID-19 and its implications. Your willingness to continue recovery work during this crisis is courageous!

Listed below are just a few of these common mistakes. We hope that this information will help guide you!

Common Mistakes of the Unfaithful Spouse:

• Being defensive: Since the revelation of a betrayal is so traumatic, there is no room for defensiveness. The antidote to defensiveness is taking personal responsibility.
• Leaking out information over time: Getting the truth out, all of it and unvarnished to your mate is a great opportunity to display real integrity and safety: something you may feel you've been lacking if you've had to hide your actions or lie. Don't miss your chance. Tell the whole truth as soon as you can.
• Not being consistent in your recovery plan: After a betrayal, there is an obvious problem with trust. To re-establish trust, an unfaithful spouse has to be consistent in what he or she says and does. The only thing a hurt spouse can rebuild on are your behaviors. If you are consistent and do what you say, then over time your mate can begin to trust again. But if you fail to follow through with what you say, it will only serve to reinforce your mate's distrust.

Common Mistakes of the Betrayed Spouse:

• Bludgeoning your spouse with guilt: Your spouse already knows that what they have been doing is wrong, even if they will not admit it to you. Pointing such things out will usually only serve to push them away.
• Trying to drive the affair partner off by personal confrontation: Confronting the affair partner to make him or her feel guilty usually only encourages the affair partner to think that in the end, your spouse will leave you. It may give the impression that the affair partner has all the power and actually encourage the affair partner to believe that the affair will turn into a long-term relationship.
• Believing that you should or can do the same thing: You may feel a desire to show your unfaithful spouse how it feels to be betrayed and think that if you do, your spouse will ultimately come humbly back. It may bring them back. It may not. I have clients who have tried this approach, only to find their lives far more complicated. Now they have the pain of their mate’s infidelity and the guilt from their own unfaithfulness.

Remember, these are the most common mistakes we see at Affair Recovery, so if you've made one or all of them, you are not the first. It does not mean that your marriage is doomed; it means that you are hurt, you are human, and you need to pursue healing. It’s never too late to heal!

Our EMS Weekend puts couples 4-6 months down the road of recovery in just three days. The weekend intensive will provide you with expert guidance, group support, and a deep-dive into the critical elements needed for healing.

Here is an update on how Affair Recovery is offering EMS Weekend during the COVID-19 crisis:

We did not know what to expect when we decided to offer our 3-day weekend intensive as a virtual experience. We were delighted to find that 100% of the participant surveys after April’s virtual EMS Weekend said it was extremely helpful.

We are thrilled that we can continue to offer a valuable, transformational experience for couples who are in crisis from infidelity, even while observing social distancing guidelines and travel restrictions.

We invite you to join us May 15-17 as we once again bring the EMS Weekend experience to you. This Virtual EMS Weekend will include every life-changing aspect of our in-person EMS Weekend:

• Live lectures from Rick, President and Founder of Affair Recovery
• Small Group breakouts with an Expert EMS Weekend Counselor
• A private, couples session with your Expert Counselor
• A chance to experience community with others who understand your pain

Take advantage of all these benefits PLUS a $1,000 discount by registering today: https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend We’re here to help! Contact info@hope-now.com with any questions about the virtual weekend.