Q&A How Much Should He Tell Me About His Recovery?

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My husband is a Sex Addict, sober for 9 months, attends weekly meetings, seeing a counselor and accountability partner regularly. But he wants to keep his recovery journey secret. He prefers to discuss everything with "an independent person" because I am "too unsafe" to share with. I cannot seem to communicate that I do not expect to know every detail of every conversation, but I merely want to be included in some way and I am more than happy for him to decide how much he shares with me. He has always preferred to be emotionally/intellectually/sexually/spiritually intimate with others and I have always felt like I am on the outside, looking in. I still feel left out and like he is keeping secrets, which is undermining efforts to rebuild trust. He resents the fact that I have all the control but I feel like this is a way for him to control and manipulate me. He agrees that he is very angry and resentful towards many and he is taking it out on me, but he feels I should put up with it as he is on the journey to recovery and as he gets better he will do it less. He seems comfortable using me as a lightning rod. He says "if you do not ______, then I won't _____" It’s like I’m being held responsible for his actions and he won't blow up if I don't use the wrong tone/words/ facial expression or talk about the wrong topics etc. Help!



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