Q&A Is no Sexual Desire Common?

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Question: 

Hi Rick,

We are 1 year post D-Day this week. Is there a congratulations in order? My unfaithful husband and I are still working it out. We have two elementary age kids and they don't know what happened. We are in a process of getting through the affair, and I am still watching and waiting for more consistency. He's just turned a corner in the past couple months, after many months of anger and resentment towards me. While I am not going to divorce him right now, I am still waiting it out -- waiting to see. I can't say I'm in 'reconciliation' mode yet. Is it common for spouses in my situation to have no sexual desire for the unfaithful spouse? We don't sleep in the same room anymore, and haven't for almost a year. And I still flood quite a bit and have trouble getting images of them out of my head. I am not interested in any type of sexual relationship, especially because I don't know when I'll be in "reconciliation" mode yet. It's also stressful to even think about a sexual relationship with my unfaithful husband anyway because the AP was more than 10 years younger than me, no children, no stretch marks, etc. I was never self-conscious about my body, but I suppose I've become so now after learning of the extent of the affair and his pornography use for years and years that I did not know about.

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