Q&A Is There a Difference between Reason and Justification?

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My husband doesn’t acknowledge his justifications for the affair. My husband takes complete ownership for his actions, is remorseful, repentant, and truly sorry for his actions. We are on week 4 of EMS Online. I have asked him often how he could overcome his own strong moral code regarding loyalty and fidelity and he is unable to answer. I have asked how he justified the affair to himself in order to revisit and engage with the affair partner over an 18 month period. He says there is no justification for what he did and he is entirely to blame. However I admit that intimacy between us was infrequent, every couple of months. I know I rejected him physically on many occasions leading up to the affair and during the affair and I know this was the reason it started. He has said that on occasions he engaged physically with her it was because he hadn’t had sex for a long time but does not see this as a justification. Is there a difference between a reason and a justification if the unfaithful spouse has not verbalized the justification to themselves? I feel this is important for going forward. I need to take ownership of my behavior towards him that created moral justifications. My husband has also ‘blocked’ many details of the affair as a coping strategy throughout what was a very unpleasant time for him also and we think the mental blocks are to blame for recollection of emotive detail such as this.



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