Why Does the Unfaithful Spouse Blame the Betrayed Spouse for Their Affair?

Samuel uncovers the truth behind why the unfaithful spouse resorts to blaming their spouse or partner for their affair.

Add New Comment:


A year after D-day, I still dwell on this

Thank you Samuel. This helps me understand better that it was wrong for my wife to blame me for her affair.

I’m a betrayed spouse. My wife blamed my ‘abuse’ after D-day #1 for her decision to end our relationship two months later on D-day #2. That blame felt as painful as her affair and I think it’s made recovery more difficult for me.

My explanation is that I she couldn’t handle the pain she caused and so blamed me for making it to be worse than it was. Does that explanation make sense here?

I wish she had seen this video. If we’d found affair recovery before that day we might have avoided our mistakes and still be together or at least be trying,

Spot On

Great truth Samuel


Intellectually I totally agree with everything you say in this video. However, I don’t need my unfaithful spouse to blame me. The Hope for Healing course has been very helpful for this and I don’t feel like I am blamed any more. The problem is that I don’t need an external source to tell me that it is my fault because in that empty spot there my heart used to be that message resonates loud and clear. Understanding something intellectually is often easy for me but feeling it is another story. I guess it’s that saying “feeling is believing”. I’m just not there yet.

Sitll blaming

My ex spouse is still blaming me 10 yrs later. He really has to talk a LOT to manage his image. He was justified in every way if you ask him. When will it end? And how do I get relief? The facade is divorce ends the relationship. NOT true. Divorce only changes the relationship. We still have children and grandchildren together. He's a part of my every day life even though I never see him. I hate it. I want off this rollercoaster and to not struggle anytime my kids bring up his or his wife's name.

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas