Q&A What Advice Do You Have for Restoration during Separation?

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Question: 

We are 21 months out from D-Day. My husband had a 3 year emotional and sexual affair with a family friend. We have completed EMS Online, I’ve completed Harboring Hope, and my husband has completed Hope for Healing. In our own ways, I feel we’ve each been working hard in recovery. However, we are still not at the point where he is able to take full responsibility for his choices. For example, he still responds in anger if I have a question or face a trigger. Basically, if you look at the 5 R’s from the When is it Safe? part of the video in Week 9 of EMSO (recognition, responsibility, remorse, restitution, and reform), it’s still not safe for me after all this time. We have also tried marriage counseling but it hasn’t really gotten us anywhere. After all of this I made the difficult decision to ask for a time of separation. Is there any advice you have for couples in a time of separation like this to give the best chance of restoration of the relationship?

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