Q&A What Do I Do When the Betrayed Spouse Shuts Me Out and Doesn’t Want to Talk about His Pain, Unless Forced?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


I have looked for advice regarding this for a long time but nobody seems to be in my situation. I am an unfaithful women who cheated on my spouse this summer. I have been desperate to find out what is wrong with me, to heal and to my spouse heal. We are together again. I am going in individual therapy, watching affair recovery videos on a regular basis, reading books and participating in EMS Online with my spouse. The problem is that my spouse "pretends normal" today. He bombarded me with questions during the disclosure this summer, and after that he has only once flooded, and brought things up maybe 4 times in 7 months. When we have our times we talk about the betrayal, I am almost always the one bringing things up. I asked him why, his reasons are "I don't want to celebrate it, I don't have questions, it is not helpful to share, didn't have time to reflect". My impression is that he is inconvenienced by me when I bring things up. When I ask him what he needs he says "Positive moments with you". It feels like he wants to live in a fairytale. I resent him for this, because it puts pressure on me to "pretend normal" - which I can't. I am not normal. I am broken, just like him.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas