Help for Those Who Are Trying to Get Their Unfaithful Spouse to Wake up and 'Get It'

Samuel discusses a toxic struggle both unfaithful and betrayed spouses fall into.

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Could we turn this around?

I’m an unfaithful that does “get it” but my spouse does not seem to. Throughout the entire video I thought “that’s him.” He won’t do any work. He doesn’t seem to work on our marriage. It’s been 3 years. I feel like it’s time to say “Enough. I’ve done all I can do.”

this does happen

thanks for sharing.  this does in fact happen, but has some unique nuances to it.  it's a great video suggestion so i'll work on it.  thank you for posting my friend. 

It can be a VERY long road

Thank you for this important VLOG. Recovery is long for some couples. I have found it depends on the willingness of either partner to be honest, vulnerable, brave. Unfortunately, my unfaithful husband "played along" through multiple programs, intensives, and therapy sessions. He is a master deceiver so I times I thought we were really making progress, but there was always a gut feeling that we were not getting to the root. My biggest indicators were his lack of remorse, resurfacing defensiveness, and always playing down what really happened. Shame kept him caring more about what others thought or knew - than the impact he had on me and us as a couple. D-day was 2014 (6 year affair/ 12 year porn addiction). We had a NEW D-day on Nov 2019. This second revelation after so much work is VERY different. This time - I am hurt, broken, even a bit more angry... but I am not motivated to fight for us. I have one foot out the door. We have a new therapist who is hopeful that he can get to the root of childhood trauma that caused my husband to embrace disassociative behaviors for his own survival growing up - which have manifested in love avoidance/ sex addiction and a whole cluster of intimacy killing lifeskills. Grrrrr.... yes the road is long. Longer than I would have ever imagined. The 5 years 2014 to 2019 were a variety of good and bad "recovery" experiences. I am hanging in there "for now". I am eternally grateful for how EMSO and so many other recources have kept me sane and given me hope. Our story is still being written. I don't know if we will be married "until death do us part". No matter, I want him HEALED. I hope that we make it, but I am okay with not knowing how this is going to turn out. I have grown in wisdom, character, and grace - through it all. The pain WILL HAVE PURPOSE!!