Q&A Why Has New Information Been Such a Major Setback for Me?

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Question: 

Hi Rick, we are 13 months from d-day and this last year has been extremely difficult. I've experienced abusive behaviour from my unfaithful spouse, additional lies, harassment for five months from the AP, and more. I was told many times that his physical and emotional affair, which lasted three years, was kept quite separate from our home. I was aware of one phone call but apart from that understood it to all have occurred outside of the home and during his work hours. I discovered the other day that contact did occur with her from our home in the form of texts. This latest information seems small in comparison to details I've heard about his affair however I have been so shaken by it. I thought my home was essentially safe and free from the affair so to speak. I thought I knew all there was to know. My husband was supportive at the time he told me the latest information but became very defensive and hurtful when I was still struggling hours after hearing the news. His response has caused major hurt and I feel really disconnected. I've not been in my home for two days and right now don't want to be there. Why do seemingly small things sometimes hurt more than some others? What can I do to move forward? I feel in self protection mode in a way I haven't done this whole time.

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