The call came at 2:13 in the morning,
"Can you come get me?" It was one of my best friends.
"Where are you?" He gave me the address, which was in one of the most dangerous parts of Austin. "Where's your car?" I asked.
"I've been out using...
Finding the courage to keep going after your own world has been rocked by infidelity or addiction is one of the most excruciating processes an adult can find themselves in. Discovering there are not only survivors of infidelity, but those who have come out on the other side healed, forgiven, and restored, can bring hope and courage to others forging through the challenging seasons of early recovery. While not impossible to heal, our feelings often betray us and leave us feeling defeated against what feels like insurmountable circumstances at times. "Everyone has a plan 'till they're punched in the face" is a quote you'll hear from Samuel in today's video blog. It's safe to say that infidelity is likely one of the toughest punches in life to take. But take heart; there are ways through the tunnels of darkness that can be taken by those early...
Cover more ground faster with the life-changing experience of EMS Weekend for couples.
This isn't another light-and-fluffy program that only scratches the surface of your pain. The EMS Weekend Experience is a safe space for you and your partner to start putting the pieces of your life back together, transform your trauma and begin healing from infidelity. Skeptical about the effectiveness of this experience? Don't be! Backed by a slew of previous participant testimonials, EMS Weekend delivers results month after month...
Shame: A Pervasive Cancer of the Soul Shame: Beginning to Break Free
Facing my shame that has plagued me my whole life has been eye-opening for me. I am learning that past trauma that I had left unattended to created a place in my psyche for the pervasive destruction of shame to take hold, wreaking havoc on me and my marriage. I understand now that avoiding and ignoring my strong negative feelings did not make me strong or brave. My husband, like me, had no idea that my shame was the culprit for much of our disconnection through the years. I always felt guarded and unable to access a true sense of connection with my husband. I didn't let him truly see me, and kept secrets from him for years. Shame did not make me betray him, but it festered in me unattended, where I stuffed it down with my...
Have you ever wondered if you or your partner is a narcissist? Or a sex addict? This may surprise you, but being labeled a narcissist or sex addict are two of the most over-diagnosed labels that inexperienced therapists utilize in the mental health field. What if you or your spouse just have narcissistic traits - how do you deal with that, and what is the difference? How do you survive not only infidelity, but also addiction and narcissism, within your specific scenario? The good news is, there is more hope than you can imagine to find healing and save your marriage after infidelity and/or addiction. Even if you or your partner struggle with narcissism, the road ahead is not impossible. Today, our alumnus Samuel interviews Sharon Rinearson, a true expert therapist with over 27 years of experience specializing in infidelity, narcissism,...
Of all the questions asked regarding infidelity, none are as elusive as, "Why?" What someone did, where they did it, and how they did it are simply facts. These are questions about what happened and, while one may not believe the given report, the answers to these questions are definite and comprehensible.
Find guidance to healing after infidelity with EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and...
Shame: A Pervasive Cancer of the Soul Part 2: Coming Soon, October 15!
This past March, about 13 months after our D-Day, my husband suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm that landed him in the ER for emergency surgery. After his surgery, he spent 14 days in the ICU fighting for his life. Brain aneurysms usually have no symptoms until they rupture, and when they do, the survival rate is less than 50%. Needless to say, those 14 days were a very scary time for him and for me. While he was in the ICU, my husband was struggling with immense physical pain, fear of his own mortality, uncertainty about any permanent damage, and protecting his family while feeling helpless. Worst of all, was the isolation of the COVID restrictions, which only allowed one visitor per day. During this time, he needed me to be...
Every safe and healthy formerly unfaithful spouse eventually comes to the realization that mere "I'm sorries" just aren't enough. Restoration takes time, gut-wrenching effort, and expert help. Without any of those variables, the repair process can seem absolutely impossible. The good news is, there is a way to heal and survive cheating of any kind in a relationship, where both parties are committed to the process. It's a tough conversation when the unfaithful spouse is told they must embrace their consequences if they are going to have any future with their betrayed spouse. Questions like "should I forgive a cheater?" and "can I survive this awful cheating" can be answered when an unfaithful spouse is willing to embrace their consequences and be safe for the betrayed spouse's anger and pain.
Harboring Hope...
There are so many painful words that flood our minds following betrayal: Hurt. Stupid. Angry. Deceived. Heartbroken. Lost. Humiliated. Duped. Blindsided. Gullible. Used. Tricked. Embarrassed. Shattered. Disgraced. Ashamed. Crushed. Afraid. Numb.
All of those words are so painful, but there are two words that cut me to the core - not enough.
People compare themselves to others for a variety of reasons across many areas of life. The reasons for comparison may sound different on the surface, but mostly they are all pointing toward determining how much we feel we are worth. Less than this person? More than that one? Whether it is not getting the promotion, being picked last in gym class, or just your standard "keeping up with the Joneses", we are constantly measuring our worth, our okayness, using the yardstick of those around us.
As humans, we also like to categorize. Our brains want...
Some of the worst battles I've found myself in have been with my ego and self-shaming tendencies. I've learned, after countless sleepless nights and awful bouts of depression, that we cannot 'self-shame' our way into healing, restoration or wellness. Hating ourselves will never move us to a healthier place. We may lose weight. We may develop a healthy new habit or excel in the gym, but in terms of finding our more mentally and emotionally balanced selves, we will fail miserably. Believe me; I've tried and failed more times than I can count. Freedom is found through compassion and forgiveness, for ourselves and of course, those who have hurt us. The ego, while more obviously complicated for the unfaithful side to navigate, can also be agonizing for the betrayed spouse to wrestle through, in unexpected ways. The good news is, when we begin to...
