As a psychotherapist, I've witnessed the devastating impact of infidelity on individuals, couples, families, and extended relationships. The betrayal can shatter relational safety, trust, evoke intense emotional pain, and disrupt the foundation on which a relationship is built. Amidst this turmoil, there is a path to healing and growth. One crucial lesson I've learned in guiding countless individuals and couples through this process...
The only question we hear more often than, "Why?" is, "Now what?" The journey following infidelity can feel unbearable. We know how difficult it is to find a safe place where you can get help with your delicate emotions. The following is a letter I received from a recent EMS Weekend participant. I encourage you to read it all the way through. This letter was written by a betrayed man and shares his journey from disclosure...
Four years ago, I discovered my husband wasn’t who I thought he was. When he left the house, he didn’t secretly fight crime or possess any cool superpowers. Instead, he had lived a double life for over a decade.
I heard my parent’s generation speak about where they were when they learned that President Kennedy had been shot. Everyone remembers where...
Last week, while I was running an errand, I happened to run into one of our online course group leaders. We began to discuss one of my recent articles. I'm sure the tellers had their antennas tuned all the way up since we were discussing infidelity and different ways to respond to it!
It was a fascinating conversation and one that included, "What do you say to someone who wants to confront the affair partner?"
Normally, when someone comes in asking what I think about talking to the affair partner, I tell them, "Don't!"...
We hope it provides an example of the type of recovery work betrayed spouses do while they pursue healing.
Our society does not deal well with grief. It is the normal reaction to loss, but because our culture does not handle grief well, you may have never learned to deal with it. You may have unresolved grief from earlier losses that is compounded as you deal with this new tragic situation...
Melissa here. I wanted to take a second to share a moment I had this week, from watching the new movie Inside Out 2. For those of you who may have missed the first Inside Out movie, it's an animated depiction of a young girl, Riley, and her journey navigating her emotions, Joy, Anger, Sadness, Disgust and Fear.
In this second...
On February 26, 2010, Peggy Vaughan changed my life. Her email began with, "You may have seen these pages on my website, but if not, you might like to see that we see the issue very much alike." Peggy's book, The Monogamy Myth: A...
I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure of watching the movie, The Princess Bride, but it is one of my favorite movies. There is nothing better than watching a movie about "true love." The Princess Bride is a story of how Westley and Buttercup overcome adversity for the sake of "true love" in order to be united in a blissful union. In one of my favorite scenes, Westley heads off to storm the castle to rescue his beloved Buttercup. Miracle Max and his wife, Valerie, yell after...
Join Rodney and Angela for an uncut heartfelt, free-flowing finale of Season 2. In this special episode, they extend their deep gratitude to everyone who made this journey possible: the dedicated crew, the supportive audience, and last but not least, each other. Reflecting on their growth and lessons learned over the past two seasons, they revisit...
Join other betrayed mates on the path to healing with our life-changing Harboring Hope online course and start a better, brighter chapter.
Several years ago, my friend, John, told me about a man who was struggling with forgiveness.
This man's wife had taken the two youngest of their four daughters to a friend's birthday party. Halfway through the birthday party, she received a call from their two teenage...
Hello, my name is Candace.
I was scrolling through Instagram a few days ago, and I saw this quote that said, “I feel like I’m in Season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous stuff up to keep it interesting.” It made me think of a few random things that happened during my first season of recovery that were so poorly timed that it was almost...
Years ago, John entered my office requesting help for his dilemma: "Women are always coming on to me," he began, "and my wife is really upset about it. What can I do?"
Puzzled, I asked him to give me examples. I assured him I was better looking than him and didn't have the same problem. I said, "There must be something more going on."
John said, "Well, one woman came into my office today, kicked off her shoes, came behind my desk and began to give me a back rub."
"Really?" I replied, "...
In 2019, I had a recurrence of cancer, so I was going through three months of radiation treatment. My wife, Steph, and I needed to run a few errands in Austin before getting back to Houston for my treatment appointment...
Disclosure.
The disclosure process is usually the most painful and confusing aspect of recovering from infidelity. It can also be the biggest barrier for couples trying to get unstuck.
Get a plan for the disclosure process by joining EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to...
In His presence there is peace, freedom, and comfort. Rodney and Angela remind us that we have the privilege and freedom to bring all of our emotions to God, including the difficult ones. He is a faithful friend, fierce warrior, and compassionate counselor, and though what we face may not seem good, He is always working for our good. His mercies...
Are you at a place where you can't seem to get away from the constant triggers and reminders of the affair? Are intrusive thoughts keeping you from sleep, work, or being able to function?
Did you know that in the early weeks following discovery, it is quite possible for the betrayed spouse to have several hundred of these a day? Will it ever get better? Will they lessen in frequency? Wayward spouses, does it seem that...
Hi. I’m Karen Baker supervised by Rick Reynolds. In this video, I'll lead you through a short, guided meditation on compassion. Opening our hearts and practicing self-compassion and compassion for others can help us accept and give space to our anxieties.
Sometimes, focused and kind attention is all we need to feel more at peace and ease....
If you've ever heard your betrayed mate say, "I would like to trust you again, but I just can't." This is for you.
If you are the wayward spouse and are trying to figure out what it means to become a safe person to repair the damage done by your infidelity, this is for you too.
Wayward spouse, while trying to do everything you can to aid the recovery, have you ever taken the stance or...
I’m Karen Baker, a graduate counseling intern for Crossroad Counseling Associate, supervised by Rick Reynolds.
In this video, I'll lead you through a short, guided meditation on compassion specifically for anxiety. Opening our hearts by practicing self-compassion and compassion for others can help us accept and give space to...
Hello. I am Candace. Should you stay, or should you go post D-Day? I'll tell you who tends to have the instant answer to that question- everyone who has never been sucker punched by infidelity firsthand. Whether you are the betrayed or the wayward partner, we know that decision is not as easy as people make it out to be.
There are so many things to consider...
Gaslighting coupled with infidelity is extremely toxic.
When talking about gaslighting or infidelity, each on its own can devastate the safety and trust of any relationship. But together, they form an especially dangerous mix. Understanding their dynamics and learning how to navigate the impact can be the first step in healing and preventing even further harm.
Designed specifically for wayward spouses, this 17-...
My name is Karen Baker, and I'm the graduate counseling intern at Crossroad Counseling and Associates, where I am supervised by Rick Reynolds.
In this video, I will lead you through a short, guided meditation. Experiencing a betrayal is a profoundly traumatic experience. Your whole self can become completely...
One of the hardest lessons to grasp in the journey towards healing from betrayal is realizing your inability to control the path your wayward mate takes. This is particularly counterintuitive for those of us who have dedicated our lives to growing relationships and a family. We have invested our time and energy in paving the way for our loved ones to succeed and be happy. We have cared as deeply for our partner and family as we have for ourselves. Our life has revolved around their safety and growth.
We must be careful not to burn out or overextend ourselves in the service of others and to take good care of ourselves. This is a reality we may not like. However, denial of that reality will not change it, no matter how ardently we wish things to be...
Hello. My name is Laurie Bryson and one of the roles I have at Affair Recovery is that I get to be part of the three-day EMS Weekend intensives that we offer both in person and virtually.
One of the most misunderstood concepts in the journey of recovering from infidelity is the concept of abuse.
Today, I'd like to help shed some light on this concept in a way that can help you navigate...
To Tell or Not to Tell…Our Friends and Family
People struggle with the decision of whether to tell friends and family and, particularly their children, about the infidelity that occurred in their marriage. For some, the ugly truth comes out before they consider it. Sometimes, kids are collateral damage in the ensuing chaos, overhearing or directly witnessing the arguments and drama by parents overwhelmed with their emotions.
I’ve heard both sides of this dilemma declare with certainty that their perspective is the only right choice for one reason or another, but I’ve also heard people regret how they handled it and wish they could go back and do it differently. Some feel it is inherently wrong and deceptive to keep a secret like this within a...
Freedom begins in a community of “me too” people, people committed to helping you carry your burden. ~ Sheila Walsh
When a person experiences a loss or tragedy, those around them often offer support differently. People say things like, “Let me know if you need anything,” or “I’m here for you.” This can be genuine and well-meaning, but to the person amid crisis or grief, they’re not especially helpful. That is passive support, meaning if the grieving person comes to me and asks for something specific, I will provide it.
Active support looks like this: “I have two hours free on Tuesday evening. I’d like to bring you dinner and babysit your kids....
In my private practice as a psychotherapist of almost 20 years, I've seen firsthand the devastation, pain, and havoc infidelity causes. But I've also been able to witness the strength and resilience of couples who choose to work through this crisis, and sometimes other wounds from their relationship or childhood years, and then go on to rebuild a relationship that they had only previously dreamed about.
If it weren't for the...
As I first ventured into the world of betrayal recovery, I listened to several experts advise against asking too many questions and getting too many details about their spouse’s betrayal. They cautioned that the details can be damaging and cause lingering intrusive thoughts. The predominant advice is to stick to the basic information of timeframe and generic summary of events but otherwise to steer clear of anything that could be considered a question related to comparison, like physical appearance, body type, specific sexual experiences, etc. The advice was that these things don’t serve to promote healing, and it is better to keep them unknown. (A list of suggested questions to consider asking instead can be found here.)
Not asking for details is very...
Today Rodney and Angela will share with you an original song written from Psalm 23. Find a quiet place, close your eyes and listen as they testify of the Shepherd’s provision, peace, protection, presence, prosperity, and promises. In spite of the pain and trauma of infidelity, we can find solace in the arms of our mighty God as He holds us in...
Below is information taken directly from our Harboring Hope1 Online Course.
"Bad marriages don't cause infidelity; infidelity causes bad marriages." - Frank Pittman
If you've ever joined a support group or been to see a counselor, you may have heard others talking about "codependency." The term might be unfamiliar to many individuals recovering from betrayal. It can be...
What Type of Affair Was It?
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