It's no secret that infidelity is traumatizing. But what about childhood trauma? What about neglect and/or abuse as a child? The hard truth is, healing from all levels of trauma is difficult, and infidelity trauma doesn't help. When trying to heal from this type of pain, it's vital we have practical tools that we can use to find solace and ultimately, learn to self-soothe. Today, Samuel shares four tools he has used in his own journey of healing, from both infidelity and childhood trauma. The good news is, whether you caused the infidelity or are a victim of the choices of another, healing is possible, and there is hope for repairing the damage from both childhood and adulthood when the right tools are employed. All of us at Affair Recovery hope that today's message fuels your own personal...
Part I: What is Forgiveness Anyway? Part II: The Journey of a Lifetime
When discussing forgiveness of marital betrayal, other words that often spring to mind include impossible, unfair, and undeserved. Some of you may have even cringed at the mention of forgiveness. I definitely understand that. I think this topic is so hard to wrap our heads around when we are reeling from the pain and upheaval caused by infidelity, and it can seem out of the realm of possibility to even care about forgiveness. Every situation is different, so I can only tell you about mine.
When my husband first confessed his affair, I was numb. In my situation, I had...
Today we share what is probably known as the most popular and well-loved hymn of our time, "Amazing Grace." Simply put, grace is God's unmerited, unearned favor. GRACE could also be an acronym for God's Riches At Christ's Expense. It's Him doing for us what we could never do for ourselves. What makes grace so amazing is that as fallen, sinful people, God still loves us unconditionally. Whether you have been maritally unfaithful or betrayed, God's grace is available to you. He trades our poverty for His riches, our weakness for His strength, and earth's sorrows for heaven's joy. As these words are sung over you, may you sense God's refreshing peace - and His amazing love drawing you close to Him.
I can remember how heavy my brow would get, yet not realize how angry and scary I looked storming through the house... more than likely unpleasant to just be around, let alone speak to. I can imagine my whole family just mirroring how unhappy I was. And that they did.
I was too busy in my misery to even notice that my kids were sliding into a downward spiral along with me. Where was their nurturing mom now? And when I was my loving self and happy, fun, and laughing mom, it was short lived and I was almost unrecognizable, or I was not fooling anyone. It was just too hard to hide the cracks.
New baby, new and gigantic wound from an explosion beyond anything imaginable. But I've been through so much in life already; how can this compare or be worse? And he just shrugs it off like nothing. A shrug! Not only is my pride destroyed, I am suddenly beyond repose, past shocked and...
Here is a quick audio version of the song: The Angry GIFTS Song
Today we will present a fun one-minute original song to help pull back the curtain of anger to uncover the primary emotions beneath. Using the GIFTS acronym from the EMS Curriculum, we're able to practice self-awareness, self-expression, and self-management. Ephesians 4:26a instructs us to, "Be angry but do not sin." Anger, as with fire, can create danger if it's not managed well. However, with proper boundaries, as fire within the safety of a fireplace, it can assist in creating an environment of warmth, intimacy, and vulnerability. How are you dealing with your anger - and how is it dealing with you? Is it being used as fuel to enhance your relationships and improve communication, or is there destruction from...
Healing from infidelity requires expert care in every facet of both personal and marital restoration. However, a nebulous area of healing can be found in addressing childhood wounds like neglect, abuse, and abandonment. Without an understanding of what wounds and pain we've experienced as children, we can find that the timeline for us is not only confusing, but also longer and more erratic. When we tap into the help of true trauma experts who have been through their own timeline of infidelity and childhood trauma, we not only find light at the end of the tunnel, but a concrete explanation of what's happening inside of us. Today you'll meet Amanda, a trauma expert of precisely this kind who shares practical and life-changing information about how to address our childhood wounds, and how they continue to affect our attempts to heal from infidelity...
Today, eight years after disclosure and discovery (D-Day), in celebration of completing ten episodes, totalling over 10,000 views - Rodney and Angela present to us a raw, uncut, unplugged, and unleashed ‘Songs for the Soul’ experience! From start to finish, there’s no telling what will happen between these two. God’s grace has taken them from lamenting to laughter, and from turmoil to triumph. He has given them beauty for ashes. While we know there’s nothing funny about the trauma of infidelity, triggers, reminders, and betrayal - tune in for a little joy and laughter to brighten up your day. Scripture teaches that a merry heart does good like a medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones (Proverbs 17:22). Well, in the world of recovery, we’ve all had plenty of dry bone experiences - every now and then,...
Have you ever had your unfaithful spouse blame you for their infidelity or addiction? Perhaps they've rattled off statements like "if you would have done your job, I wouldn't have had to go find love elsewhere?" Or, "if you didn't neglect me, I wouldn't have had to go somewhere else for attention, love, and sex." It's a coping mechanism the unfaithful uses to justify their actions, and one of the main problems with this thinking is that we, the unfaithful, think it's absolute truth. What's more truthful is the fact that we don't realize how unresolved childhood trauma affects the way we see our spouse, our infidelity and our recovery efforts. If we do not heal what so deeply traumatized us as a child, we'll miss out on a quality of life and recovery that, while it may seem elusive, is more joyful and rewarding than we can imagine. Join me...
Today, I came across a picture that was posted on our group's GroupMe wall a while back. A depiction of hope, a moment captured by a camera, a view of grace, healing, and growth, revealing a glimmer of rescue and new life. You've probably seen something like it, or the one I'm referring to, where determined little white flowers are growing out of a crack in an otherwise lifeless slab of concrete sidewalk.
At the time this was shared with me, and when I wrote this journal entry, feelings of hope finally started to emerge, much like the ray of light and the new life, emerging with these little flowers through the slab. Where my heart was once in a place consumed with hopelessness, absent of joy, with no healing in sight (to the human eye), time and faith now uncovered proof that change and healing were not only possible, but certain.
May this writing be a reminder to you, that a season of hope is emerging...
Many of the old hymns have a special place in our hearts. Today's song, "It Is Well," is no exception to that. The lyrics were penned by Horatio Spafford after tragedy suddenly struck his family. As you hear the story recounted along with the melodious tunes, may your burden be lifted and your load lighter. The trauma and weight of infidelity doesn't have to continue to suffocate you. As we sing over you, we're praying for supernatural peace - even in the midst of the storm. We know that grief comes in waves, but Jesus is still calming seas and walking on water. Storms will come and go, but you have a Savior that promised never to leave you. He is with you in the storm and offers peace that surpasses all understanding. May your heart find solace and comfort as the hymnist graciously declares: Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is...
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