Q&A Why Should the Betrayed Spouse do all the Hard Work?

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Question: 

My husband does nothing to proactively save our marriage. He's more than willing to do what I ask from the online AR courses to being totally honest. He says all the "right" things and I know he's sorry and wants to make amends. But why isn't he willing to be proactive about our recovery? I want him to browse the AR web site, talk to others, or whatever is necessary to show that he will do the hard work necessary to recover from his infidelity. I just want him to DO SOMETHING! Why should I, the hurt spouse, do all the hard work?

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So glad you asked this

So glad you asked this question. Same boat here!

My words exactly!

I too have done all the leg work. He goes along with a willing spirit and thinks he's proactive because he listens to me read articles and watch videos. I bought books, manuals, etc...he hears, and listens...says "good stuff".."wow, powerful", then heads to the kitchen to get something to eat. My heart is skipping beats, I can't sleep, I have lost a ton of weight, feel jittery, and he snores and sleeps like a log. I really truly don't know if I'm going to make it...at times, it just seems like water energy.

Yes

I'm so glad you said this. Part of this comes from our schedules. He does have a demanding job but even still something still must be done. I'm glad I don't have as much going on because it helps me to grieve it and work through it. He is willing and does put fourth effort but yeah I'm doing more work...and maybe for a reason...It's taking more effort to get past it.

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