Q&A What Might Be the Reasons for My Ex-Wife's Relational Pattern?

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My D-day was last June however my ex’s ambivalence ended in September. She married her affair partner at the beginning of this month. I am on Week 12 of Harboring Hope as well as involved in weekly sessions of EMDR. I will continue to do whatever work I need to. Are people really capable of fully healing when the unfaithful ends up marrying the affair partner? Up until the affair partner she was very loving and supportive and wanted a future with me. At the end she believed the affair partner was her true soulmate. Despite my wiliness to do whatever was needed she refused. She believed I wasn’t capable of meeting her needs or able to move past the betrayal. That is BS. I would have done anything reasonable to heal with her. This loss is indescribable. How do people move past the guilt and shame of having created deficiencies in the relationship? Once the affair partner became involved she started making me out to be a monster and blamed me. I did create some deficiencies in our relationship for which at times I do feel a high degree of guilt and shame but I was no monster. There were things I should have done differently. My ex has an established pattern since college of going outside of her long term relationships. She establishes a new relationship before terminating the primary and seems drawn to the validation and/or the idea that the new person will be everything she wanted. Based off your experience as clinicians what could a few of the reasons be for this type of behavior?



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