I wish I knew who you are that submitted this question. I have about the same timeline and the same issue. No remorse, no tears, and no true empathy from my husband. I have done Harboring Hope it was not that helpful. I have read books, looked for sources other than AR, done counseling together and apart until the councilor told us until my husband was willing to do the hard work to reconnect with is emotions he was not sure we would progress. My husband did Hope For Healing.....well he half way did it.....not very effective. My husband has suggested that we go to a EMS weekend...but we have done EMSO and are still in our Married for life group (for the time being). I love my husband, but I am not sure I can ever fully heal if I remain with him the way that things are now. He can't seem to understand that because he thinks that he has "done enough" to as he puts it "repair the damage" and he thinks that no matter what he does it will never be enough. So WHO EVER you are that posted this question Know that I really understand what you are saying and honestly I was very disappointed in Rick's "answer".

SLM

I wish I knew who you are that submitted this question. I have about the same timeline and the same issue. No remorse, no tears, and no true empathy from my husband. I have done Harboring Hope it was not that helpful. I have read books, looked for sources other than AR, done counseling together and apart until the councilor told us until my husband was willing to do the hard work to reconnect with is emotions he was not sure we would progress. My husband did Hope For Healing.....well he half way did it.....not very effective. My husband has suggested that we go to a EMS weekend...but we have done EMSO and are still in our Married for life group (for the time being). I love my husband, but I am not sure I can ever fully heal if I remain with him the way that things are now. He can't seem to understand that because he thinks that he has "done enough" to as he puts it "repair the damage" and he thinks that no matter what he does it will never be enough. So WHO EVER you are that posted this question Know that I really understand what you are saying and honestly I was very disappointed in Rick's "answer".

SLM

Thank you for submitting this question! I too am on about the same timeline...actually 4 years out from dday 1 but only 8 months out from the last significant detail ( dday 10 since he has trickle-truthed me for most of that time). He also shows very little to no remorse or sorrow or even repentance over his 20 year infidelity/deception. He always throws everything back on me when I ask questions--"Do you want to heal?" My answer, "Well yes, why else would I be asking questions or doing all this work?" We have done EMS twice, I did Harboring Hope early on before I had the "real" truth, and he did Hope for Healing when he realized I wasn't just "getting over it". I am in individual counseling as well, but have been unable to reach an acceptance or closure and move on. There have been no real apologies from him, but a lot of anger and verbal abuse/ physical intimidation up until about 3 months ago. Since it will be 4 years on Christmas Day, I have been feeling worried that I may never be able to move on. I guard my heart and although I know I love him (it's a 38 year marriage), I am reluctant to re-engage in the marriage too much for fear of being hurt again. Am working on this in therapy right now and have enrolled in Harboring Hope for a second time. I am no longer basing my healing on him and I am determined to be happy with or without him. I am so glad and encouraged that others have these feelings so far out from dday and still have them after taking some AR courses... makes me realize that maybe it's not just me and I'm not alone in my feelings. Thanks for your question.