Q&A How Do I Continue to Own My Actions Without Accepting Unhealthy Actions From the Betrayed?

I know I am responsible for my betrayal and the damage it caused, and I do not want to minimize that or rush my husband’s healing. We are now over two years out from the most recent D-Day, and I am struggling to discern the difference between giving him room to heal and enabling a recovery dynamic where his betrayal pain becomes the reason his longstanding emotional withdrawal, limited capacity, avoidance, or lack of mutual repair never has to be addressed. At this point, I feel like even walking on eggshells is not enough. When I slip up, or when I try to talk honestly about my own emotional state, it is often not met with softness, consideration, curiosity, or compassion. It is met with anger, contempt, or more distance. I am trying to keep taking full responsibility, but I also feel like I am reaching my emotional limit. How do I continue owning my betrayal without accepting a dynamic where I am treated as undeserving of love, care, dignity, and consideration? And how do I know when his pain is still betrayal trauma that needs patience versus when it has become a shield against accountability, mutuality, and repair?