Q&A How Do I Get past the Different Versions of the Story?

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Question: 

My husband had an emotional affair almost 20 years ago while overseas. He lied about the affair for almost 18 years. We are just now working it out. He says there was absolutely no sex or physical contact except for two separate dances two different times early in relationship. He denies any feelings conveyed between himself and the affair partner. There are two things about disclosure that I’m still trying to figure out. Two co-workers asked him more than 7 months after he says it ended if "he was doing her." He says he has absolutely no idea why they said that. A chaplain who was also over there and spent time with them told me he felt there was more to the story. He didn't see anything such as kissing or hugging however he felt there were "sparks between the two of them, when he saw them they would be very close to each other and leaning into each other." My spouse denies this. About 18 months after they were no longer spending time together her now husband, who was her boyfriend at the time, sent her to meet with my spouse before he transferred to "get something out of her system." He denies knowing what that was and says neither one of them ever knew how the other felt. This doesn't make sense what do I do with it, how do I get past this?

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