Q&A How Do I Know If My Spouse Is Being Genuine?

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My husband is an extremely private person who has issues with an intrusive parent growing up, not trusting anyone, a strong fear of rejection, and low self-worth issues. I see his desire to break free from his affair partner, but I feel like he is leaving the back door open for her by not being accountable because of the aforementioned issues. He has made some effort to be less private by working next to me in the same room, whereas before he would refuse it and guard his space. I don't want to hinder his ability to trust and disclose with my impatience. I have tried to make myself a safe person and realize that in the past I was reactive and even traumatic to him with my bouts of anger. I have apologized for this and have made changes in my actions to show that I am safe. However, his guarding of his privacy makes everything feel secretive. I hate living like this and realize that he eventually needs to have privacy, but given his history of lying and inability to draw boundaries, I am not sure how we can strike a good balance encouraging his recovery/ progress and my need for a full disclosure. How do I know if a disclosure is really full and if he is being genuine or guarding his privacy, versus still maintaining his affair and lying to me?



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