I Don't Get to Decide How Fast My Betrayed Spouse Heals

Samuel shares more of his own story and how rushing Samantha never worked.

Add New Comment:


Children forgiving and Healing.

Could you possibly do a post about children forgiving, healing and boundaries when reconciliation does not happen. Especially when betrayer marries the affair partner.

happy to work on it.....

thank you for posting. 

Forgiveness vs reconciliation

Samuel, more than once in today’s video you said the betrayed spouse gets to decide if they want to forgive and reconcile. I have read and heard repeatedly from your website that you can forgive but not chose to reconcile. What if you want to forgive but what someone did was too egregious and contrary to your values and morals that you can’t reconcile within yourself to stay with them without feeling like they are betraying themselves ? How does someone get past that? Despite the fact that my spouse is working hard at his recovery and desperately wants to reconcile I am struggling with this.

i'll work on that....great suggestion....

i'll see what I can do.  thank you for watching and posting. 

Thank you

Samuel, I watch so many of your videos on YouTube, and find them helpful in so many ways. My life has been in turmoil the past year, and I won't lie, I've made 4 unsuccessful suicide attempts in recent months, hopelessness has been my only friend. Today was a horrible day for me, and I was sinking back into a really bad place, ready to make another attempt honestly. I watched a video of yours that popped up as recommended, it was about hopelessness. Your words literally saved me today. I've been looking for a way just to thank you, and posting this here is the best I could come up with. I hope you see it and realize that you really do help. I don't know how much worse things would be for me if I hadn't found the video blogs you put out. Thank you so much.

i'm so sorry...

Robertt....i'm so sorry for the pain you're in.  I know it well and I know the desire to want to end it all as well.  it's palpable my friend.  however, youre life is more than this moment.  your life is more than the pain you're feeling now.  you need help my friend.  have you talked to a therapist or trusted individual face to face?  who do you have in your life you can rely on brother?  i get the pain.  i really do.  you need support around you. 

thank you so much for the kind words.  it's email like these that I get that change my life believe it or not and it's messages like these which give me the courage to keep going and keep doing all i can to help those in crisis.  i'm so thankful for you. 

My family and friends mostly

My family and friends mostly abandoned me for refusing to leave the situation, even the pastor at my church stopped. I guess they blamed me for trying, and maybe they were right. The first attempt at therapy was with a marriage therapist with over 20 years experience, and that ended horribly. I've recently started individual therapy, and my therapist is getting ready to do EDMR therapy with me. The situation is horrid, and unfortunately too abnormal to find help from even the online classes on this site. It's been tough to even find a therapist that's not just telling me to leave. I hope someday we can get the funds for an EMS weekend,
although it's probably too much for even that. Your videos though, I'm always able to find at least a little bit to take away from each one. If nothing else they make me feel less alone, more normal... human. Thank you again for what you do

How to prove

Hi; I have a huge problem and I dont know how to solve this. I've cheated on my boyfriend a year and a half ago. We've been trying to work things out and very slowly theres progress but suddenly two days ago he said he has decided to not let what happened go. He said he doesnt want to move on from what happened. He said it's to remind himself of what the kind of person I can be. Also, I fell asleep two nights ago and he called me on WhatsApp and apparently my WhatsApp stated that I was on another call eventhough I wasn't. I was asleep. I googled it and the same thing has happened to so many people and so many people broke up because of this same reason can you imagine??? How can I prove to him I was really just asleep? I'm sorry this is kind of a mess.

Thank you so much for your time