After the disclosure of an affair, the betrayed partner can feel paralyzed. Especially if the unfaithful refuses to get help of any significant type and resorts to being elusive, ambivalent or resistant. Today Samuel shares an effective tool for the betrayed partner to consider utilizing in a situation where they feel as if they have little to no influence at all. While we can't control our unfaithful partner, we can use effective, time tested tools which can at the very least, get our unfaithful partner to take action or find themselves experiencing painful consequences that can make their reality less than ideal. While tools of this sort are no guarantee of healing or movement, we are not without help and hope while suffering the effects of betrayal trauma and...
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Designed specifically for wayward spouses, Hope for Healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy. Over the years, this 17-week, small group course has helped thousands of people find hope, set healthy boundaries and move toward extraordinary lives.
"I just finished Hope for Healing and am proud of the changes that I already feel in myself and my marriage. I found Affair Recovery when I was at the darkest point in my life, and this course has helped me to get myself on a true path to recovery." - S., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing participant.
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Trusting again after infidelity is no easy task for the betrayed partner. The unfaithful can spend an enormous amount of energy doing what they think will help regain trust with the betrayed, only to find themselves frustrated, confused and in some cases angry at the realization that the betrayed still doesn't trust them. To many outside the arena of affair recovery, trusting again seems impossible, yet to those who have walked the road of healing and restoration, trust is in fact possible. However, it's a new trust. No longer a naive trust that is unaware of the darkness of the unfaithful, but a trust built upon intimacy, honesty and ultimately safety. Today you'll hear Samuel share time tested insight into how the unfaithful can eventually regain trust and safety with their betrayed partner.
When trying to heal from infidelity or addiction, it's inevitable we will run into myths surrounding what healing from infidelity requires as well as what recovery 'should' and 'should not' look like. It's unfortunate that many who have been through this tragedy would make their experience everyone's experience by giving advice that's not 100% true or accurate or for everyone. Today Samuel shares a few common and destructive myths that both unfaithful and betrayed partners come in contact with, but don't have to remain imprisoned to.
It's a question the betrayed partner finds themselves asking time and time again: Is my unfaithful partner repairable? What betrayed partner wouldn't ask this question? While every situation is different, the answer can be crucial to the hope of the betrayed and the self-esteem of the unfaithful. Today you'll hear Samuel share pointed but compassionate markers on how to tell if the unfaithful partner is repairable or not. Rest assured, for those who are committed to healing and committed to doing the work necessary to heal themselves, healing and personal transformation are within reach.
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How does one "create space" for healing? How can I create an opportunity for change in my own life, let alone in my spouse's life? Well, you didn't ask, but I'm sure it's a question you would ask if we were to sit and have coffee together.
If someone steps on my foot, depending on how hard they stomp on it, I'll either whisper or yell, "Ouch!" If they do it over and over again, I'll tell them they're hurting my foot and they need to stop doing that. The process includes telling them that their actions are hurting me, and they need to stop before they hurt me again. I may even tell them what I'm going to do to avoid being...
Shortly after our D-Day, Gary and Debbie, another couple who were decades into their recovery told us, "You are going to start to see things that other people don't see. You are going to start living at a new level and notice things in other people around you that you never saw before." I remember thinking, "Hmm... I wonder what they mean by that?" I would soon find out.
I would discover that very few people would be willing to walk alongside us on that long treacherous path required towards healing. Recovery is messy. I would find that most people prefer to cling to their pretend images, pride, and comfort zones, running for cover every time a storm comes. Indeed, D-Day was just the volcano erupting, setting things in...
Determining when the unfaithful partner is safe in recovery work can be confusing, daunting and just plain overwhelming. The good news is, there are metrics one can use to determine if the unfaithful party is serious about their individual recovery work as well as their primary relationship. The affair recovery process is not only possible but essential if a couple is going to overcome infidelity or addiction. The process requires a skillset that Samuel clearly defines and shares for those wondering if their partner is safe. Without a clear understanding of what a betrayed partner should be looking for, or what the unfaithful should be working towards, it's difficult to see a possibility of healing after an affair. Today you'll hear Samuel in his element sharing...
It seems to me that much is written about managing anger, but not as much about the roots of our anger. If there is a universal emotion that we see as therapists when infidelity has been exposed, it's definitely anger.
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Whether it's anger at their spouse, themselves, or the whole world, anger is a very common part of disclosure. If reconciliation is going to happen, the anger has to be addressed. Many times, I have to help spouses realize that if they didn't care, they wouldn't be angry about it.
Last week, Samuel discussed a few signs that the unfaithful was unsafe in their own recovery process. This week, we look at ways the unfaithful can help the betrayed partner avoid self-sabotaging or undermining the recovery process for the relationship as a whole. While each situation is unique and challenging, Samuel and special guest and expert clinician Amanda Asproni share insight into navigating the tumultuous waters of recovery. Despite the fact that it can feel impossible to overcome communication challenges in repair work, there are helpful strategies that can support both partners, while leaving their self esteem and self image intact. Today, you'll find freeing, expert-driven help for those who are feeling stuck on the road to healing and...
