Today I am journaling about codependency because I truly hate the word. I wish someone decades ago could have come up with a nicer sounding word to fit the definition.
When I began some honest soul searching of my character flaws that led me to cheat on my husband, I began to realize that I am a poster child for codependency. Looking back on my life and choices, I have spent years outrunning being identified as “codependent” to any degree. Part of my personality (that I am still coming to terms with) is that I have mostly been the type of person who has to learn through failure and mistakes. So many times I have run so far from something only to find myself smacked in the face into the very thing I was running from to begin with. (Insert eye roll and deep sigh emoji here)
It felt like...
Affair Recovery is making some changes to Recovery Library Memberships.
Nine years ago, our vision for the Recovery Library was to create an immense database of expert knowledge. A large part of this database stemmed from our Recovery Library Members and the questions submitted for the Expert Q...
Samuel interviews an unfaithful, female therapist, who helps couples in crisis due to infidelity.
Samuel encourages those who are struggling to keep the momentum in their personal repair work.
What follows is the personal story of a betrayed spouse. We hope that her story provides hope and insight to your own personal journey, regardless if you share the same worldview and faith.
As my husband walked through the door, I immediately knew something was wrong. He was supposed to be on a plane to speak at a conference, but instead was home, looking at me when he said,
"We need to talk."
I had never seen that look in his eye, and I knew something was wrong.
As we stood looking at each other uncomfortably, I heard the Lord say to me,
"You love this man and you will forgive him."
What did that mean?? What was going on?? What was I going to have to forgive?
I felt like my heart and mind froze in that moment.
You may not be a Christian or even...
Samuel shares a necessary adjustment to early recovery work for those in crisis.
During college, I had five very close friends. After graduating, we all moved off to separate parts of the country and began to conquer our small piece of the world. As time went on, somehow, we all wound up marrying women that got along with one another. A few summers later, we all rented a beach house together for a week just to reunite. The trip was such a success it turned into an annual ritual. One we have all kept sacred for over a decade.
The first night of our yearly reunions we would gather on the beach to catch up on the prior year. Conversation would go late into the night and often into early morning. The drinks flowed freely, and the time was redeeming. Over time, the houses grew grander and, as the dragons we slay in our professional lives became more significant, the experience became more polished. The cheap whiskey turned to fine bourbons and scotch...
I ask myself this question a lot. I guess it's more of a fear of mine than a question. In a rational state of mind I can answer this easily: of course not. Infidelity is a choice. No one put a gun to my head and made me cross the line. No one forced me to be unfaithful. And like the source for eye color or skin tone, I don't think there is a "ruin your spouse's life by having an affair" gene.
If you've done much reading or work in the Affair Recovery courses, you have likely heard us wayward spouses refer to being in states of limerence – something similar to being in a fog. "We were out of our minds during our affairs", we say. And while all of that may be true, I greatly fear someday that my own children could be unfaithful because I was. I realize this might...
Samuel discusses the sensitive topic of when betrayed spouses have affairs of their own.
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