"Learn how to be okay when things are not okay."
When I first heard this statement I thought it was dumb and much too simple. It was almost insulting – like trying to treat an intensive care wound with a band aid.
However, ten long months into recovery, this statement has been a foundational thought in getting through many hard days.
Like many unfaithful spouses, my tendency and need to control situations have been off the charts. When you are hiding behind your affair, there is an illusion of control (and complete self-absorption) you live under because you never think about the harsh reality that you might lose your spouse because of your decisions. Much like the character in...
Samuel shares insight into a common mistake couples make in recovering from infidelity or addiction.
Samuel shares the proper motivation for recovery work after infidelity for both spouses.
Samuel discusses a necessary paradigm shift if couples are going to heal from infidelity.
Samuel shares his own experience in adjusting to life after disclosure and embracing new patterns in life.
Samuel speaks to the betrayed spouse on what anger is costing them in their recovery.
Samuel discusses how defensiveness diminishes safety from the recovery process.
My internship during my senior year in college was with a thoracic surgeon working with terminally ill patients. At 22, walking patients and family through the stages of grief was more than I had bargained for. The year was 1975 and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' book titled "On Death and Dying" had only been out six years. Sad to say my maturity level in those days kept me trapped in grief's early stages of denial and anger. When I wasn't pretending everything was going to be okay I was pumping a clinched fist at the heavens for allowing such pain.
I had yet to discover the stages of bargaining,...
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