Dealing with Social Shame The other day I was getting my haircut. If you are a woman, or even know a woman, you most likely know we can be in there for hours. I pay to be blonder than I am. Not long into the process, the conversation started. One woman said, "Did you hear about so and so?" The floodgates of opinions opened. "I can't believe she hasn't just left the SOB". "What a jerk. How could he do that?" On and on it went. My heart sank and I cringed. Insecurity blanketed me and I was certain it was obvious how quiet I had become. I finally managed to say, "I'm sure it is a difficult time for all of them." I sheepishly offered that until you've walked a mile in anyone's shoes it's hard to know what to say or do. The truth was I felt like screaming. If you're reading this you already know the excruciating pain of infidelity. Perhaps you have even been in this kind of situation where it wouldn't be wise to share your heart. You freeze because the onslaught of their words is dangerously close to your own private pain. My heart broke thinking of the shame my betrayed husband must feel with every opinion he has heard about what he needs to do or what he should do with me. Well-meaning family and friends believe that my husband is foolish for waiting or hoping for reconciliation in light of my poor choices, deception and lies. He is judged as a fool for seeking to repair something my behavior sought to harm. As we are finding out in the midst of our own recovery, you don't know what you will do until you find yourself in the situation. As the comments continued to unfold that day in the hair salon, my heart broke for me too. A year ago I wouldn't have believed I was worth enough to feel sadness for myself. But as my shame has started to subside it was hurtful to hear how easily the unfaithful are also labeled and cast aside as trash because of our affairs. One lesson I was reminded of that day was that less is more; less comments, less judgement, less opinions. The honest truth is before our own tragedy, I probably would have been right there in the mix of the conversation. Simply because I didn't know any better. I love the verse in the book of James where we are reminded to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. One quick, two slows. I'm sorry for all the painful comments out there we have to deal with—including my own. It is salt in an already gaping and infected wound. However, I hope you can find solace and truth in some safe places. Affair Recovery is full of them.