Why Fixing Your Spouse Is Not the Answer to Healing from Infidelity

Samuel discusses a necessary paradigm shift if couples are going to heal from infidelity.

Comments

Timely and a Struggle

Submitted by MD2006 on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 13:38

Samuel... I just got in trouble for this just now. My wife texted me, and I responded with a question. Instead of waiting the 10 minutes for her to respond, I jump to conclusion, decided on my own answer, fired back a text to her and some others, only to have completely missed read all of it, and now I writing this humbly with egg on my face.
Thanks man for posting this. I think part of my quick jump to an answer and fix it, is to stop my own shame and guilt I feel for not being enough? As in I have to fox and have an answer, cause I don't I'm lacking and a fraud and if she thinks I'm a fraud, then she won't ever love me again. Can you share your train of thinking when you jumped to response or conclusions?

Good and Hard to Hear

Submitted by Laura (not verified) on Sat, 09/29/2018 - 10:33

I am a BS about 6 months out from D-Day. I have always been the fixer type person. I don't like conflict but I really needed to hear this today. I just need to let things progress the way God wants them to. I cannot control my spouse but I can control how I act and respond to him. Sometimes you have to revert back to Mr. Rogers and just "stop and listen." Listening is a big part of recovery for both spouses. Not just hearing them. You have to really engage and listen, I admit I fail at this often and was part of our downfall before the affair occurred. It is a hard skill to keep using. Thank you, Samuel, for your video, I hope others will listen to it often!

thanks for commenting...

Submitted by Samuel on Mon, 10/01/2018 - 09:38

hi Laura, thanks so much for commenting and watching. means so much. glad it helped you.

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Karen (New!)

Alumna, betrayed. After enduring Betrayal Trauma, Karen developed a passion for assisting other betrayed partners in their journey to grieve, find hope, and rebuild their lives following such a life-shattering event.

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What type of affair was it?

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