We're Never Going Back

Samuel, Alumnus
Submitted by Samuel 10 years 9 months

Samuel discusses how a couple moves forward understanding their own vulnerabilities in recovery.

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas
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Comments

Submitted by dprince on 10 years 9 months

Thank you, Samuel. This is my new favorite vlog.

I NEVER want to go back!

We have come so far and I am so so so grateful for that. I {still} get emotional when I consider where we are now as I can't seem to appreciate the now without recognizing where we've been. Will that emotion fade...because I'm not sure I want it to.

Thank you, again.

~diana

Submitted by Samuel on 10 years 9 months
you're kind diana...thank you for that. fact is, emotions do that for sure: fade. but it's more of a truth to remember and look back upon as then gratitude will become a pillar in your life in a new way that perhaps was never there. you have to remind yourself of it and remind your spouse of it and continue to go forward, but have an appreciate for where you were and where you could have been. it's a lifestyle now and it's a way of approaching reality and life and marriage. though it will fade, the truth that you live by does not fade and it becomes a part of your life forever. thanks again for reading and watching and leaving a comment.

Submitted by jeh53 on 10 years 9 months

Samuel - thank you so much for this blog. It is so encouraging and so helpful to me. I (I am the betrayal) am struggling so much with what happened in our marriage and the fact that my husband acted out for over 20 years. I desperately want to move forward and heal this horrific pain, and hearing what you said about how couples coping with recovery will always be different helps me see that it is okay for us to be different now and that I absolutely must let go of the past. Your comment to the other person about how this truth will become a pillar of the marriage is so helpful, too. I would like to ask a question, if you don't mind, did you and your wife come to this place at the same time, or did one of you reach this point of letting go first? And if you came to this point at different times, was it difficult for the one who hadn't reached that point yet to sort of be lagging behind in the recovery? Thank you so much for your blogs, your insights are extremely helpful.

Submitted by Samuel on 10 years 9 months
thank you for your kind words about the blog etc....i think i came to this point first in our marriage as i was doing more recovery work. the fact is, i was the mess, and I NEEDED more recovery work: ie meeting with rick more, reading a ton of books, having a couple mentors who had been through it before personally and were helping coach me every week. so i was doing a lot and had come to this point first, but as samantha felt i was safe and was in a safe place, she was then able to slowly but surely come to this point in recovery and not wanting to ever go back. but, she had to see that I wanted to never go back first. she was never going back to the lifestyle we had lived and the pace of life we were living, but i was at a point first where i never wanted to go back to the dysfunction of our marriage and i had to show her that i was committed to doing whatever it took to stay healthy and not put myself back in a place as dysfunctional as before. hope that makes sense, but if not, i'm happy to clarify anything you'd like. take care my friend. one day at a time....one day at a time....

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 8 years 1 month

Seeing this comment keeps me hopeful that my UH and I will also get to the point where we can look back and see that we have come a long way in making over our marriage. I’m the one doing the recovery work right now with HH and being so very patient hoping my husband will see that he also needs to work on himself. This “patient stuff” is showing me where my weakness is right now. I can only work on myself to be healthy and stay in the present. This is where the “Serenity Prayer” keeps me sane.

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