The Best Time to Work on Your Marriage is When...?

Samuel answers a pivotal question today: When is the best time to work on your marriage?

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My wife and I listen to all your blogs and they are all so helpful, so just wanted to shout out a big thanks. This one reminded me of something I read in the book called "for men only" which shared that our wives are not always looking for us to come up with a solution to the thing they are sharing but want to be heard about what they are thinking or feeling. Oh, I wish I had remembered this just a couple days ago.

thank you Perry...

i still make the same mistake my friend. sometimes I even say..... "ok, am i supposed to do something or just hear you out right now...cause i can work to fix this or just shut up?????" often times she will say "nooooooo, just listen: let me vent." thanks for the compliment my friend. so glad they help.

What is a simple or kind/fun way to say-

'No action required, just hear me'? Would 'put on your pink headphones ' work?
Also, my husband, in PART due to our past history, has it in his head that I expect an immediate response to things; even a simple text. He acts as if I expect him to drop everything, at that moment & tend to my msg. I've told him numerous times that's not the case, that it even often makes me feel like an overbearing b*#(h when he does. How can he stop 'hearing me' that way in his head when we're not actually talking?

Samuel, should the "grenade"

Samuel, should the "grenade" still be there 4 years later? I'm still depressed and incredibly sad. There have been some good days lately, but because of the 4 year trickle truth torture and his explosive verbally abusive defensiveness, I have stopped discussing or asking questions. He thinks we are SO much better now and nothing could be farther from the truth. I hurt all the time. I just hide it. So will this grenade always be there within me?

hi karen....grenade thoughts

fact is karen, the grenade will be there a while due to the drip feeding he's done and the continual delivery of new information. it's probably going to be there a while for you seeing as how he's traumatized you. i'm not sure how long as you'll want to consult a professional and get their read on it, but I'd say a while. i would look into care for ptsd and emdr to continue going as deep as you can for the trauma you've had to reckon with and deal with . sure hope that helps.

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-D, Texas