Q&A How Do We Move beyond 'Pretend Normal'?

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Question: 

Hi Rick, in EMSO we’re taught that it’s normal for the betrayed spouse to ask hundreds of questions and that this is healthy processing. My question is if it’s normal for this to not be happening? My wife discovered my affair by finding the full message traffic. She’s read it all and says she has absolutely no questions as a result. She says “she knows what happened”.

I ask her if she’d like to talk, about her feelings, what she’d like from me in that moment, and I’m met with one word answers. We’re able to communicate about every other aspect of our life, but when I even mention trying to talk about the affair or her feelings she shuts down and responds with one word answers.

I’m aware we’ve made the mistake of the turtle and the shark (me playing the role of the shark) in the past so I try to give her as much space as I can while still being in the same house. Is there anything I can do to help her deal with her anger, anxiety, and begin addressing the actual affair so we can move beyond pretend normal? I’m working on me and am trying to heal for me, I just understand I should be supporting her but she’s currently not interested. We’re 2.5 months out from D-Day

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