Q&A How Do We Overcome Our Sexual Barriers?

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My husband and I have been married for 29 years and have 3 adult children. He's also a recovering alcoholic. 10 months ago I discovered he'd been having a 4 year affair with a married woman. Within weeks of my discovery it was ended, but for 8 months he lied about the details. 2 months ago I finally got the truth, at the urging of his alcohol therapist who he sees at the alcohol treatment center twice a week and I feel like life as I knew it was a lie. During that truth telling session, he cried and admitted that he loved her "a little" and that sex, especially oral sex with her was the best he'd ever had in his life. I am devastated. We no longer have sex because of that. I feel like second best. He has since tried to backtrack and say I confused him and made him say that. He says he never loved her, just liked her a lot. The sex, however, he still feels was the best. There is now a sexual barrier for both us. Neither of us can bring ourselves to be intimate even though it's obvious we love each other. We are in marriage counseling, but he is so full of shame and guilt that he hates to talk about the things that need to be talked about. I can't get over the affair and its effect on our relationship. I'm so hurt.



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