Q&A Where Is the Empathy for Me?

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Question: 

I am the betrayed spouse and discovery was 4 months ago. There have been additional D-Days so I feel like I’m still struggling with the pain & grief! I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want to lash out. It’s so hard for me! I experienced some relief when my husband confessed because it confirmed that I wasn’t crazy- I sensed something was going on. My counselor said it sounds like I’ve been experiencing gaslighting. She said that it can make you doubt yourself & even reality; you can feel like you’re going crazy! That’s how I was feeling & sometimes I slip back into self-doubt & anxiety. It hurts so much that all these years I’ve been tormented with self-doubt and grief for secrets I wasn’t responsible for. When my husband says, “he can’t take it anymore”, I get so hurt & so angry! I feel like he committed murder and I was framed for it, convicted and put in prison. And when he comes to “visit me” in prison he complains about how uncomfortable it is -for him! I’ve had years of deception, blame, emotional & verbal abuse and he can’t suffer a few minutes, hours? I’m not perfect. I’m working on my anger. I feel like I am trying to be empathetic to him. Where is the empathy for me? Where is the compassion?

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