Making peace with our own past after an affair or addiction can seem impossible. Enter infidelity, and both partners can feel as though they are on an island, with no one to help support them and no one to make sense out of their pain, shame and hopelessness. However, as not only a survivor of infidelity but a healing guide, Samuel discusses an eye-opening experience he had that prompted both the need and the plan to make peace with his own troubled past. Today, Samuel provides direction, perspective and hope for those trying to make sense out of the collateral damage that has enveloped their lives.
People who have lost a loved one often ask me, "How do you understand so much about grief?" I suppose, before I lost my dad, it looked to the world like I really didn't know much about grief. The truth is, that's because as a society we often only judge a person's grief or ability to understand grief by the losses that fit into our prescribed "big" and "normal" categories. Everything else gets brushed under the rug. There is an overall general understanding and compassion for these big catastrophic losses, like the death of a parent or child, but even these losses are often categorized or minimized.
What about all of the hidden, silent grief that can be just as impactful, just as big, just as life-changing, but gets glossed over in our society? The grief in these instances can be...
Trying to save a relationship after an affair or addiction can be confusing, frustrating and downright excruciating. We often hear leaders or experts in the recovery process say that both couples and individuals need to do 'work' in order to heal and give the relationship a fighting chance. We also hear that, regardless of the status of the relationship, both unfaithful and betrayed partners need to do their own work. But, what is this 'work' they seem to be referring to? What does this 'work' look like specifically, on a grassroots level? Today Samuel shares examples of what this type of work looks like, and what is required to heal from life-changing trauma like infidelity and/or addiction.
There I was having to answer my own question, why is my jaw hurting again? Not only have I been grinding my teeth like before, but hate has a hold on me, again. It's been some years, but not long enough. A familiar pain revealed itself, as if getting punched dead in the face.
If you've ever been hit or had an accident where your head is involved, it's a startling flash of light, temporary blindness, confusion, and undeniably searing yet numbing pain. You come to, and realize you have just been hit hard! It's confusing at first. A shock. Then when reality kicks in, anger is almost automatic. At least it was for me.
The last D-Day was no exception. The first one was a train wreck and a domino effect of doom in years to come. Essentially, nothing ever got fixed the first time. All I did was hate and deepen my...
After infidelity or addiction is revealed in a relationship, business travel can sometimes be an unavoidable trigger, especially when the one traveling was also the unfaithful. Professionals such as airline pilots, for example, cannot avoid travel as part of their job, leaving the betrayed partner behind to worry and wonder what their mate is doing on the road. If you have been unfaithful but are now committed to recovery, there are some important steps you'll need to take in order to stay safe, accountable, and connected while away from home.
For addicts in particular, it is imperative to develop your travel plan before you leave for your trip, and go over your plan with others who are in recovery to double-check for any weaknesses or opportunities to act...
Today, we at AffairRecovery.com are excited to share with you an interview with the esteemed Dr. Robert Weiss PhD, LCSW. Dr. Weiss is the Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, offering clinical programs that provide online education and residential treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex-addicted men and their families. A psychotherapist and addiction specialist, he has created six intimacy and addiction treatment programs in the US, Southeast Asia and for the US military. Dr. Weiss is also an online host for Digital Addiction on A...
Find guidance to healing after infidelity with EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives.
A common fear expressed by my clients is how the infidelity may impact their children. In 2008, Ana Nogales published the book, Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents are Unfaithful1. In it, Nogales breaks down the findings of 822 responses to a survey she conducted:
Seventy-five percent of those who responded to our "Parents Who Cheat" survey...
How Do You Know if You're Healing? Part 1 How Do You Know if You're Healing? Part 2
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
—Hebrews 11:1
I guess when I first heard someone talking about the process of "healing" I envisioned a feeling of relief, like a balm to a wound. For me, I have found that sometimes healing actually feels… really uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels more like a state of suspension, between where I was and where I want to be. It's unknown, unpredictable, and uncomfortable. As awful as depression feels, depression is safe. There are no expectations. No...
Have you ever reached a point in your own recovery, or in your relationship, where you thought to yourself: is this really as good as it's going to get? Maybe you've found yourself reasonably happy, but just not fulfilled with the repair work you've done? Like many, you may have also felt like you or your relationship were making great strides, showing ongoing momentum and promise, and now you feel stuck. You may find yourself on a plateau. Often, a plateau can be misinterpreted as an ominous sign that something is seriously wrong, when in fact, it may just be time for a minor tune up to your own repair work or your relationship's. In today's video, you may be relieved to hear that plateaus in recovery are 100% normal, and even to be expected....
I once heard it said, "Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener." As a professional, I've always believed people to be profoundly naïve about marriage. However, that naïveté may be even more pronounced when it comes to life after divorce. After our previous article on infidelity and divorce and the challenges faced by the betrayed spouse, it seemed only appropriate to address the challenges after divorce for those who have been unfaithful.
