Cover more ground faster with the life-changing experience of EMS Weekend for couples.
How does one "create space" for healing? How can I create an opportunity for change in my own life, let alone in my spouse's life? Well, you didn't ask, but I'm sure it's a question you would ask if we were to sit and have coffee together.
If someone steps on my foot, depending on how hard they stomp on it, I'll either whisper or yell, "Ouch!" If they do it over and over again, I'll tell them they're hurting my foot and they need to stop doing that. The process includes telling them that their actions are hurting me, and they need to stop before they hurt me again. I may even tell them what I'm going to do to avoid being...
Shortly after our D-Day, Gary and Debbie, another couple who were decades into their recovery told us, "You are going to start to see things that other people don't see. You are going to start living at a new level and notice things in other people around you that you never saw before." I remember thinking, "Hmm... I wonder what they mean by that?" I would soon find out.
I would discover that very few people would be willing to walk alongside us on that long treacherous path required towards healing. Recovery is messy. I would find that most people prefer to cling to their pretend images, pride, and comfort zones, running for cover every time a storm comes. Indeed, D-Day was just the volcano erupting, setting things in...
Determining when the unfaithful partner is safe in recovery work can be confusing, daunting and just plain overwhelming. The good news is, there are metrics one can use to determine if the unfaithful party is serious about their individual recovery work as well as their primary relationship. The affair recovery process is not only possible but essential if a couple is going to overcome infidelity or addiction. The process requires a skillset that Samuel clearly defines and shares for those wondering if their partner is safe. Without a clear understanding of what a betrayed partner should be looking for, or what the unfaithful should be working towards, it's difficult to see a possibility of healing after an affair. Today you'll hear Samuel in his element sharing...
It seems to me that much is written about managing anger, but not as much about the roots of our anger. If there is a universal emotion that we see as therapists when infidelity has been exposed, it's definitely anger.
Consider joining Hope for Healing where you'll find community for isolation and healing for shame —and that's just the beginning.
Whether it's anger at their spouse, themselves, or the whole world, anger is a very common part of disclosure. If reconciliation is going to happen, the anger has to be addressed. Many times, I have to help spouses realize that if they didn't care, they wouldn't be angry about it.
Last week, Samuel discussed a few signs that the unfaithful was unsafe in their own recovery process. This week, we look at ways the unfaithful can help the betrayed partner avoid self-sabotaging or undermining the recovery process for the relationship as a whole. While each situation is unique and challenging, Samuel and special guest and expert clinician Amanda Asproni share insight into navigating the tumultuous waters of recovery. Despite the fact that it can feel impossible to overcome communication challenges in repair work, there are helpful strategies that can support both partners, while leaving their self esteem and self image intact. Today, you'll find freeing, expert-driven help for those who are feeling stuck on the road to healing and...
Are you a betrayed partner reeling from infidelity, looking for signs to see if your unfaithful mate is taking steps to be safe? Have you ever wondered about what the markers of safety in affair recovery might look like in the first place? There are signs to look for that not only create a sense of safety between partners, but make the painful but necessary recovery process that much easier to wade through. Today you'll hear Samuel speak first to you, the betrayed partner, as he lays out signs that your spouse or partner may be unsafe. Samuel will then offer important insight for the unfaithful to use as a guidepost as they help and support their mate, who is in crisis from betrayal trauma. The good news is, while there is no easy button or silver bullet...
It's hard not to think of kids playing, grouped on opposite sides of a thick rope, muscling as hard as they can to overtake the other group and pull them over a line on the ground, when you hear "tug of war." It can sometimes last a little while, or it can end in a split second. I wish betrayal could be that easy. One side wins and it's done, and everyone goes off to play. It's not that easy though, in any situation. Most of the time, there is a winning side and a losing side.
When someone experiences betrayal it is an absolute world-collapsing, heart-exploding, shocking event, even a Richter scale would probably self-destruct. It is an overwhelming, life changing, confusing, emotional roller coaster of nausea and can take your breath away. Why I mention tug of war, is because of all the things we thought we ever knew or couldn't imagine, we come across one of the...
Early on after discovery or disclosure of infidelity, it seems normal, and even expected, that the unfaithful is overwhelmed with grief, despair, and even shame. Then, enough time transpires and they are seemingly paralyzed by these emotions and more, leaving them self-absorbed and wallowing in their own pain. The difficulty arrives when the betrayed partner begins to wonder, when will they show remorse for what they've done, and for how their choices have affected their loved ones? To the untrained, inexperienced ear, the unfaithful's words and actions can seem normal, acceptable and even healthy. However, to the expert, it is apparent that the unfaithful is trapped inside their own self-preoccupation, alienating themselves from their betrayed partner, family, and close friends. It's essential that the unfaithful partner learns...
After an affair, the unfaithful party can struggle with a tremendous amount of confusion and disorientation. Of course we know the betrayed can feel this way as well, but today Samuel is going to focus on a discipline that all wayward spouses can learn from: the view from the bottom. Borrowed from a commentary by Richard Rohr, Samuel shares the need for the unfaithful party to adopt and practice humility, both in their approach to life in general, and especially toward their betrayed partner and children. From attitudes of entitlement to self-preoccupation, unfaithfuls make the same mistakes time and time again, and it only sets them, and their relationships, back in spades. Listen today as Samuel shares hope for those who are trying to find a...
The gift of grace to a guilty and shame-ridden soul is humbling. Once given, the receiver has the choice to cherish it and henceforth act in a way that expresses gratitude, or take advantage of it through a selfish entitlement that overlooks the sacrifice and kindness with which it was given.
The grace that my husband has given me throughout recovery has been vital to the survival of our marriage. His ability to extend chance after chance for me to get better or do things right has been numerous, and has come at his own expense time and time again. Through each extension of grace, he has offered me trust that I haven't earned, and hope that has no basis in my past actions. He chances disappointment with each offering that is not taken, and then sadness when I waste these gifts in favor of my...
