Last time in the studio, Samuel interviewed expert therapist and infidelity survivor, Amanda Asproni, on the defense mechanisms of the unfaithful spouses. Today they continue their interview but shift to defense mechanisms of the betrayed spouse. While the unfaithful are quick to utilize these deflections in an effort to reduce blame, shift focus and take the attention off themselves, the betrayed also utilize their own defense mechanisms. How they utilize them is a bit different and may come from a different mindset than the unfaithful, yet they are still defense mechanisms which must be addressed and helped if the couple has a chance at healing. Join Samuel and Amanda today as they have a pivotal discussion in the healing of couples in crisis due to infidelity or addiction.
For those of us who have been unfaithful, if we are honest with ourselves, we can admit we sometimes lack motivation to pursue help and do the hard work necessary after an affair. We struggle in being honest with others, our partner or spouse, and even ourselves. To avoid owning all of the blame for our affair(s) we will employ 'defense mechanisms'. These defense mechanisms not only delay our individual and relational healing, they cause more damage to the betrayed party and undermine the entire repair effort. Today you'll hear Samuel interview frequent guest therapist, Amanda Asproni, and discuss how these defense mechanisms undermine the entire affair recovery process.
After the revelation of infidelity, memories and milestones become a very tricky landscape. Reminiscence that used to instill joy, nostalgia, and peace, can now elicit a very different set of emotions. Reflection on the past can be truly debilitating in the face of betrayal. As a whole, anniversaries, dates, seasons, etc. now carry a sting. But there is a particularly cruel mockery that enshrouds a wedding anniversary following marital infidelity.
Some experts guide a couple in recovery to consider the "old" marriage to be dead, grieve its loss, and then embark on creating a "new" marriage in truth, light, and healing. I understand the sentiment behind this, and maybe it is interpretation on my part, but I just don't like it. It doesn't work for me....
When couples attempt to heal from infidelity or addiction, they're faced with many staggering truths that can make or break both their own recovery and the relationship. Today Samuel points a way through the smoke and malaise of denial and loss to clarity, courage and hope for the future.
Our mission at Affair Recovery is to help those impacted by infidelity find extraordinary lives of meaning and purpose. For us, the end goal isn't just to recover from betrayal but to use betrayal as a catalyst for transformation and change. To that end, I hope to provide a bit of a road map as to how transformation can actually occur.
I want to acknowledge upfront that many of these concepts of transition are taken from William Bridges' book, Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes.1* If you resonate with these concepts, you may wish to read his book as well.
I'm sure most of you have heard this ancient...
After the disclosure of an affair, the betrayed partner can feel paralyzed. Especially if the unfaithful refuses to get help of any significant type and resorts to being elusive, ambivalent or resistant. Today Samuel shares an effective tool for the betrayed partner to consider utilizing in a situation where they feel as if they have little to no influence at all. While we can't control our unfaithful partner, we can use effective, time tested tools which can at the very least, get our unfaithful partner to take action or find themselves experiencing painful consequences that can make their reality less than ideal. While tools of this sort are no guarantee of healing or movement, we are not without help and hope while suffering the effects of betrayal trauma and...
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Designed specifically for wayward spouses, Hope for Healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy. Over the years, this 17-week, small group course has helped thousands of people find hope, set healthy boundaries and move toward extraordinary lives.
"I just finished Hope for Healing and am proud of the changes that I already feel in myself and my marriage. I found Affair Recovery when I was at the darkest point in my life, and this course has helped me to get myself on a true path to recovery." - S., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing participant.
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Trusting again after infidelity is no easy task for the betrayed partner. The unfaithful can spend an enormous amount of energy doing what they think will help regain trust with the betrayed, only to find themselves frustrated, confused and in some cases angry at the realization that the betrayed still doesn't trust them. To many outside the arena of affair recovery, trusting again seems impossible, yet to those who have walked the road of healing and restoration, trust is in fact possible. However, it's a new trust. No longer a naive trust that is unaware of the darkness of the unfaithful, but a trust built upon intimacy, honesty and ultimately safety. Today you'll hear Samuel share time tested insight into how the unfaithful can eventually regain trust and safety with their betrayed partner.
When trying to heal from infidelity or addiction, it's inevitable we will run into myths surrounding what healing from infidelity requires as well as what recovery 'should' and 'should not' look like. It's unfortunate that many who have been through this tragedy would make their experience everyone's experience by giving advice that's not 100% true or accurate or for everyone. Today Samuel shares a few common and destructive myths that both unfaithful and betrayed partners come in contact with, but don't have to remain imprisoned to.
It's a question the betrayed partner finds themselves asking time and time again: Is my unfaithful partner repairable? What betrayed partner wouldn't ask this question? While every situation is different, the answer can be crucial to the hope of the betrayed and the self-esteem of the unfaithful. Today you'll hear Samuel share pointed but compassionate markers on how to tell if the unfaithful partner is repairable or not. Rest assured, for those who are committed to healing and committed to doing the work necessary to heal themselves, healing and personal transformation are within reach.
