The following video is from 2018 Hope Rising speaker and Affair Recovery Survivors' Blogger, Samuel, reading "Apology from the Unfaithful".
You are not alone. We know healing from infidelity can feel isolating. At Hope Rising, our annual one-day conference for betrayed spouses, you can gain momentum, strength and community on your journey to wholeness. We've walked through this pain ourselves, and we've walked alongside thousands of others on this journey. You may not see it at this very moment, but in this dark chapter hope can rise. Hope Rising will be coming soon and you will not want to miss it!
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The blog below is...
After discovery or disclosure of an affair or sexual addiction, the betrayed partner is often overwhelmed with painful reminders, triggers, and insecurities. Re-engaging emotionally with the former unfaithful is difficult enough, but even the thought of resuming sexual activity with their mate can send hurt spouses into a panic spiral. As healthy as connection is, it is also terrifying to be vulnerable again, and both the betrayed and the unfaithful can be triggered in those intimate moments. When this happens there is a choice - to shut down, or slow down.
If you find yourself desiring connection more than disconnection, then being intentional, having a plan, and talking through complicated feelings with your spouse is key. While it may be difficult to believe, with the right...
For couples who are attempting to heal after an affair, it's a common struggle that one partner feels the need to manage the other's recovery or repair work. Maybe this sounds familiar: "Are you reading? Did you go to therapy? Did you see that article I sent you? Did you talk to your accountability partner today? Did you watch that new video?" While a normal temptation, the result is typically immense frustration and disconnection by both parties, not to mention a feeling of being mothered or fathered to no end. No matter what side of the infidelity they are on, no one likes to feel controlled. The good news is, there is a better way. Today, Samuel shares insight into why the controlling approach doesn't work, and what to do if you're looking for help in...
For those recovering from infidelity or sexual addiction, establishing regular routines for self-care is key. Finding ways to eat well, exercise, connect with others, and get enough sleep is crucial for continued success in recovery. When you are healthy and balanced mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you’re going to feel good and be more likely to stay on track in your program.
One acronym that we use often at Affair Recovery is HALTBS, which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired, bored, or stressed. When addicts find themselves in that HALTBS frame of mind, they are more likely to fall back into old unhealthy patterns or act out in negative ways. Utilizing various types of self-care routines can help you get to a healthier space, so that you can continue to...
Rejection is an awful thing to deal with, whether it be from adolescence, high school, or years later from our significant other or spouse. Enter infidelity or addiction, and the rejection monster seemingly sprouts seven other heads. If we are going to move beyond the initial devastation of infidelity, it’s vital that we understand our need for a game plan to process through the painful litany of emotions and overall responses we've probably exhibited. The good news is, there is a way through, and there is a healthy approach for survivors of infidelity to utilize and rely on for clarity and healing. Today, Samuel lays out his own game plan that helped him heal and overcome his own devastation of rejection.
Consider joining Hope for Healing where you'll find community for isolation and healing for shame —and that's just the beginning.
Limerence is both an emotional and a mental state of intense, obsessive, romantic fascination first defined in the 1970s by the psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her book "Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love."*1 After interviewing more than 500 people on the subject of love, Tennov characterized limerence as a period of excitement and intense emotions that can progress to a seemingly uncontrollable obsession for another person.
Some of the features she observed were:...
I can't count how many times I've said to myself "If I knew then, what I know now... healing would have been so much easier." If there is a missing link to the process of healing from infidelity or addiction, I'm certain that one of the top candidates is developmental trauma. But how do you discover what is and was developmental trauma versus what was just being a child and going through stuff? We're all in luck today, as you'll meet a therapist, a best friend of Samuel and expert healing guide, Michael Webb. Michael and Sam will take one particularly common scenario and break it down for both parties on both sides of the infidelity, to understand not only what's happening, but how to diffuse it. Today can be a great start to the...
Part 1: Not Knowing What Happened Part 2: Not Getting It Part 3: Denying Your Reality Part 4: Not Grieving the Loss
I hate grief work, as anyone in our office will attest. I think it comes from a one-year season in my life where I lost my mother, grandmother, father-in-law, uncle, and the 10-year-old son of our dear friends. I was devastated by the losses, but each time I tried to move on it felt like another death knocked me down causing a sense of utter...
You may be familiar with the life analogy of the contrast between the way cows and buffaloes face an impending storm. As a storm approaches, cows sense it coming and move in the opposite direction, away from the storm. Unfortunately for the cows, they aren't very fast and as a result of this decision, they actually remain in the storm longer as they run alongside it, prolonging the unpleasantness.
Buffaloes, on the other hand, will turn toward the coming storm and charge directly into it. By doing this, the buffaloes pass through it quickly, reducing the amount of time and discomfort they experience from that storm.
I remember hearing this analogy somewhere along my recovery journey and confirming that I must be a cow. I...
The famous mantra "Progress Not Perfection" is a well-known but sometimes misunderstood phrase when it comes to recovery from addiction. Perfectionism in recovery is not a positive thing; since no one is perfect, when you fall short of being perfect in your recovery journey, shame and discouragement enter in. This spiral of negative feelings can often make recovering addicts fall right back into their unhealthy patterns again. However, when you shift the mindset to recognizing the progress you have made, this creates a safe environment for the person in recovery to feel supported and encouraged. Encouragement is fuel for progress and leads to positive feelings, hope for the future, and development of even more healthy habits. Much like learning a new sport, a new recovery lifestyle takes time and practice to...
