Barriers to Rebuilding Trust

Samuel shares factors which prevent the betrayed spouse from trusting again.

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Thank you so much for this

Thank you so much for this video. I am hoping my husband will agree to watch this and many others. He has refused any kind of tracking app (had one for a few weeks but then he removed it) or to share password information for anything including social media or email accounts because he said he needs his privacy. This has created a chasm of questions and mistrust for me. We are 11 months out from discovery & I am trying to be patient as as our communication is improving, significantly in the last month, and he has demonstrated empathy for several months. Being able to trust again could ultimately be a deal breaker after time for me though. I firmly believe a man with nothing to hide hides nothing so little red flags are still everywhere that he may not actually be safe, just better at hiding & deceiving.

i agree with you...

quite honestly, being married gives up the right to your own privacy IF you have nothing to hide.  it's always a red flag when someone refuses a tracking app or something along those lines and i'm sorry he's resistant to it.  i'm sure it sets off all sorts of alarms and triggers.  what help have you both received?  who, if anyone, has been helping him or speaking into his life or giving him insight on this whole thing?

 

We did bootcamp and then did

We did bootcamp and then did EMSO & we've been doing the married for life recently. We met 3 times with our pastor immediately after discovery but then he didn't want to go anymore bc he said it wasn't helping him. He refuses to go to counseling and hasn't shared with anyone, friends or family. He believes he has it figured out, where he went wrong & how it will never happen again and just wants to move forward. Frankly unless I quote Rick he isn't interested in listening. I've asked him if we could do a 3 day EMS group, but financially and logistically it would be very difficult. A few weeks ago he did agree to watch some of these vlogs but so far he hasn't watched any to my knowledge. I don't want to nag about it I want him to want to do it. I continued on with Harboring Hope and then a counselor. I'm hoping he will come around to the idea sooner rather than later.

Absolutely

This is THE key to recovery. If you are not getting this support from the unfaithful, demand it! Samuel speaks the truth from his heart, he's been there. Thank you Samuel, you are helping heal minute by minute, day by day.

so kind of you gatr1991

thanks for the support my friend.  and encouragement. 

 

I finally demanded my spouse

I finally demanded my spouse get on find friends and go back to counselor regularly to deal with everything and the past or move out. He agreed, but it did make him angry. He's not liking me controlling him like a parent he says. But I am actually just getting my life in control. I'm assuming it is normal for the spouse to be upset with these demands. He was thinking EMS weekend and the weekly group calls afterward were enough, but they aren't enough. I waited too long to demand what I need for safety and trust. If he doesn't follow through I will demand he leaves.

Tammy

proud of you t..

so proud of you.  it's absolutely normal for the unf spouse to get angry, if not very angry and attempt to do their typical bullying tactics.  "we don't need that, and you're overreacting, and you're making such a big deal about it and this isn't necessary etc..."  it's normal. it's their routine and their pattern.  so proud of you for standing up for yourself and asking him to show responsibility.  i hope he takes it seriously and i hope it continues to encourage you with how strong you're becoming.