What Is the Language of Commitment?

Samuel shares the most important language an unfaithful spouse can speak and the most important language a betrayed spouse looks for.

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Samuel, you are spot on! This describes my unfaithful husband to a "T"; speaking "his" languages. He said he would do Bootcamp. I worked through it in Feb. We got him signed up almost two weeks ago, though, I have no idea if he has followed through, since I'm standing my ground to not do his work for him.....ask about his progress, micromanage, etc. I need to see him taking responsibility and actively participating. He needs to see this video post. I'm grateful that you share so much so willingly. These posts and the forum give me much hope. I like Rick's analogy of bringing a horse to water..... I've shown my husband what I need for him to do.....(Bootcamp, peruse the AR website, and EMSO).....he just needs to follow through and do it. Blessing to all at AR. You are a blessing to me!

thank you...

you're so kind rwr. i'm so glad the site is helping and you're finding hope here.  it is true, you can communicat what you want and need but if he won't do it, it's not your fault, it's his.  if he won't do it, then he needs to feel the consequences unfortunately. in the long run it's better than you doing it for him or babysitting him.  so glad you're on the site and vlog.  take care.



God used you.

I wish every affair had it's purpose like yours and Samantha's has. I hate it took that to bring you here but I hope you both know you're making a change in the lives of many and speaking God's words in ways He needed you to speak to us - thank you Samuel, and I'm sorry for your lost, but it's been used in a way to glorify the Lord and comfort the hurting. Thank you for your sacrifice and your words of wisdom. If only every affair could have such a benefit the betrayed may be more forgiving. God bless you for helping us at least find someone on our side to guide us. Carry on!


rainbow, i'm sitting here in my office, drinking coffee, frustrated about my day and some parts of my life right now.  what a joy to receive such a positive comment.  you're so kind (and probably obedient to the lord for posting this) as it's been so encouraging for me.  i'm torn about doing a few things I know God wants me to do, but wondering how to do it and how i'm going to be able to do it and will it be worth it HA.  your comment is so timely and such a great end to my day.  i'm going to simply end on a great note haahahah.  so thank you so much for posting this.  means more than I could possibly express in this little space. 

thank you. have a great day when you read this response. 


“If God brings you to it, He will lead you through it.”


We have days of difficulty and days of celebration. I believe your blog has been a big part of our healing process. Although we are new into this ugly journey, your words give us hope. I (the betrayed) started to share certain blogs with my husband and he now does the same with me. We talk with each other when a certain blog or article hits home. They have been a starting point to many raw, but needed, discussions. There certainly are days when I feel as if I'm going to give up, crawl into a corner and stay - I reach for this website. Continue to do what you do - sharing your story of healing and faith.

shattered again....thank you...

so glad i could be a part of your healing journey.  when i do these i remember what it was like to be alone, scared, hopeless and just plain confused.  so i'm really honored to be able to be a friend in some way and help.  thank you for sharing your comment here and encouraging me so much. 



My husband’s infidelity was 13 years ago. Unfortunately, our counseling was lacking. We’ve been married 34 years. He left two months ago to work on himself. He said he has been unhappy for years and that I stomped his self-esteem and that’s the reason he cheated. I accept that I had resentment towards him for being blamed for his choices. I love him, he’s a good man. He said he’s not sure he wants to work on the marriage but he says he loves me. I recently found your vlogs and they explain a lot. I lash out all the time and I realize it’s because I don’t feel safe. I didn’t have a support system and dealt with the trauma alone. I sent him the vlogs to help him understand and he said that he was overwhelmed and being pressured. I can not describe my anguish at my marriage falling apart.

i'm sorry for the pain you're in....

we've both (samantha and I) felt shades of that same feeling and pain.  would he be open to getting help at all?  maybe you could suggest getting help to merely 'see' if there is any hope?  getting help doesn't mean you're rushing to save your marriage...it's more that you're looking at options and seeing if there is any hope while also working towards your own healing.  what do you think he would think if you suggested that?


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-D, Texas